Why do you have to wrap duct tape around a gerbil?
So that it doesn’t explode when you sodomize it.
Topic: animals
Animal jokes, pet memes, wildlife weirdness, and creature-based chaos for anyone who suspects nature has been trolling us this whole time.
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Elephant Trunk Size
In the elephant world, are dude elephants with longer trunks considered to be more manly? It probably doesn’t matter much, because I doubt a chick elephant can really tell the difference between a 9-foot-long trunk and an 8-foot-long one, unless it’s a G-spot-reaching difference.
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Mr Foley Halloween Candy
Once again Mr. Foley figures that he saves nearly twenty dollars per year on Halloween candy.
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Sofishticated
What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie?
Sofishticated.
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Safety in Numb Bears
Most zoo dentists refuse to treat a grizzly without strong anesthesia first.
Because there’s safety in numb bears.
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Dear God Most Likely Yes
OFFICER: the victims were dismembered and sacrificed on an altar made of antlers
DETECTIVE: dear god
OFFICER: most likely yes
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Judge’s Taste in Justice Gets Feathered
The man stood before the judge, accused of killing an endangered whooping crane.
The man argued that he thought it was a common Sandhill crane — not endangered — and convinced the judge. The judge dismissed the case. As the man was leaving the courtroom the judge, being an avid bird hunter himself, asked what the whooping crane tasted like.
“It tastes like Bald Eagle”, said the man.
