Topic: animals

Animal jokes, pet memes, wildlife weirdness, and creature-based chaos for anyone who suspects nature has been trolling us this whole time.

  • A Field Guide to Unicorns

    A Field Guide to Unicorns

    A taxonomic classification of unicorns in the wild: the standard model, the heavy assault variant, and the high-speed submersible edition.

  • Boop Boop Uber Here

    Boop Boop Uber Here

    boop boop uber here

    wtf, greg

  • Games You Can Play With Your Pussy

    Games You Can Play With Your Pussy

    GAMES YOU CAN PLAY WITH YOUR PUSSY

    “And Lots of Other Stuff Cat Owners Should Know

    APC

    3715 APC200

    MADE IN USA

  • Five People Have Jobs Worse Than Yours

    The San Francisco Zoo has an elephant named Calle who has a chronic illness, requiring medication. The zoo people couldn’t get Calle to take her dose orally, so a California pharmacologist developed a suppository. The ten-inch-long, four-pound, cocoa-butter bullets are crafted by the good folks at Guittard Chocolates in Burlingame.

    Administering the daily medication takes five zoo workers, including one person to distract Calle with treats and one person who wears a full-arm glove.

    Why am I telling you this? Just think — five people have jobs worse than yours!

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  • Got a Dog Named Chunks

    A guy comes into work one morning and tells his buddy, “Boy, I feel like shit today.”

    Buddy says, “What’s wrong?”

    Guy says, “Got drunk last night, went home and blew chunks.”

    Buddy says, “Nothing wrong with that.”

    Guy says, “Yes there is… Got a dog named Chunks.”

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  • I’m Going Home to Screw the Cat

    Three mice were sitting in a bar talking about how tough they were. The first mouse slams a shot and says, “I play with mouse traps for fun. I’ll run into one on purpose and as it is closing on me, I grab the bar and bench press it twenty or thirty times.” And with that he slams another shot.

    The second mouse slams a shot and says, “That’s nothing. I take those D-Con tablets, cut them up and snort them just for the fun of it.” And with that he slams another shot.

    The third mouse slams a shot, gets up and walks away.

    The first two mice look at each other, and then turn to the third mouse and ask, “Where the heck are you going?”

    The third mouse stops and replies, “I’m going home to screw the cat.”

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  • Sting Operation

    Did you hear about the bee who got busted for visiting a prostitute?

    It was a sting operation.

  • Beware of Doug

    Beware of Doug

    BEWARE OF DOUG

    ACME SALES CO.

  • Cut My Leash Into Pieces

    Cut My Leash Into Pieces

    Cut my leash into pieces

    This is my bestest bork

    Domestication

    No Breeding

    Cant give a heck

    Cause they neutered my weenie

  • My boyfriend told me, “I want to take a picture of my cock

    My boyfriend told me, “I want to take a picture of my cock between the twins.” WTF? I’m not so sure I want my niece and nephew that close to a rooster!