Animals Jokes, Memes & Dark Humor

Duct Tape and a Gerbil

Why do you have to wrap duct tape around a gerbil?

So that it doesn’t explode when you sodomize it.

In the elephant world, are dude elephants with longer trunks considered to be more manly? It probably doesn’t matter much, because I doubt a chick elephant can really tell the difference between a 9-foot-long trunk and an 8-foot-long one, unless it’s a G-spot-reaching difference.

Mr Foley Halloween Candy

Once again Mr. Foley figures that he saves nearly twenty dollars per year on Halloween candy.

Fuckface

I named him after my ex-boyfriend…

FUCKFACE!

Sofishticated

What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie?

Sofishticated.

Safety in Numb Bears

Most zoo dentists refuse to treat a grizzly without strong anesthesia first.

Because there’s safety in numb bears.

Dear God Most Likely Yes

OFFICER: the victims were dismembered and sacrificed on an altar made of antlers

DETECTIVE: dear god

OFFICER: most likely yes

Hello Little Butthole

The last thing you ate is what you have to name him

Hello little butthole

Shark Stepping On Lego

Rare photo of a shark stepping on a Lego.

Judge’s Taste in Justice Gets Feathered

The man stood before the judge, accused of killing an endangered whooping crane.

Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.

Unleash Chaos

The man argued that he thought it was a common Sandhill crane — not endangered — and convinced the judge. The judge dismissed the case. As the man was leaving the courtroom the judge, being an avid bird hunter himself, asked what the whooping crane tasted like.

“It tastes like Bald Eagle”, said the man.

Topic: animals