Topic: animals

Animal jokes, pet memes, wildlife weirdness, and creature-based chaos for anyone who suspects nature has been trolling us this whole time.

  • Tyrannosaurus Shirt

    Tyrannosaurus Shirt

    Interesting fact: t-shirt is actually short for Tyrannosaurus Shirt

    Because of the short arms.

  • Worm Early Birds

    Worm Early Birds

    if I was a worm I’d sleep in and make those early birds feel so fuckin dumb

  • Only Chick Raw Dog

    Only Chick Raw Dog

    The only chick you can fuck raw dog without having to worry about paying child support

  • Yahtzee With Squirrels

    Yahtzee With Squirrels

    In many places it is now unlawful to play Yahtzee with squirrels.

  • Be a Pet Fish

    I think it would be great to be a pet fish, except for that part where they taste their floating poop to see if it’s food.

  • Freddo’s Magical Tongue Gets the Girl

    This guy walks into a bar carrying a shoe box, and proceeds to sit down and places the box on the bar. As the night rolls on and a beauty sits next to him he can’t help but notice her curiosity with the box. So after a while he asks her if she would like to receive the best tongue sex of her life.

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    She eagerly accepts, but the guy tells her it is to be from his pet frog Freddo. By this time the beauty is getting pretty tipsy and insists on seeing the frog first. So the guy gets him out and presses just behind the jaw of the frog to make him flop his tongue out. At the sight of the size of the tongue the beauty can’t wait and just about tears the guy’s arm off getting him and the frog to her apartment, where she immediately undresses and lays spread eagle on the bed awaiting Freddo and his tongue.

    The guy places Freddo between her legs and repeats “lick-her” several times. A few minutes pass and nothing, he repeats “lick-her”, still no response from Freddo.

    Before the beauty can complain again, the guy picks up Freddo and says, “This is the last time I show you how this is done!”

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  • Cat LinkedIn Reality

    Cat LinkedIn Reality

    Reality: I poop in the litter box myself.

    LinkedIn: Independently executes a self-sanitation protocol, expertly managing bio-waste in designated litter facilities. Maintains exceptional personal hygiene and cleanliness, contributing to a well-ordered and harmonious home environment.

  • Penguin Covered in Mustard

    Penguins are funny. Mustard is funny. But do you think a penguin covered in mustard would be funny? I don’t know, but it might help if he were wearing a bib, ’cause bibs are funny.

  • Belichick Dog Draft

    Belichick Dog Draft

    Some people teach their dogs to fetch and sit.

    Bill Belichick teaches his dog to draft defensive backs from obscure Division II schools in the second round.

  • When Hunger Beats Romance Every Single Time

    I was just visiting some friends who have a real working farm. I was watching this one rooster chasing after this hen, when the friend’s wife came out to feed them.

    The rooster stopped chasing the hen at once and ran over to begin eating. I stood there thinking to myself, “Damn ! I hope I never get that hungry.”

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