Topic: animals
Animal jokes, pet memes, wildlife weirdness, and creature-based chaos for anyone who suspects nature has been trolling us this whole time.
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At least she’ll never be hungry
I bet if an eagle’s daughter ever flew off with a buzzard, the eagle would react nobly and think, “Well, at least she’ll never be hungry.”
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Top 16 Reindeer Mob Nicknames
16. Rudolph “Bloody Nose” Valentino
15. Dancer “On Your Grave” Zamboni
14. Rudolph “Red Light District” Gambini
13. Dancer “Crazy Legs” Baryshnikov
12. Dancer “With the Fishes” Rigatoni
11. Prancer “The Florist” DiFlamingo
10. Prancer “Twinkle Toes” Balleria
9. Comet “The Cleaner” Colombo
8. Cupid “Kiss of Death” Donnitelli
7. Blitzen “The Mad Bavarian” Schultz
6. Donner “Teflon Donner” Gotti
5. Rudolph “Rudy” Giuliani
4. Donner “Party” Cannibali
3. Dancer “Tiny” Eltonjohni
2. Vixen “The Big Antler” De Luca
And the number one Reindeer Mob nickname…
1. Donner “Chimney Plugger” Terrazzo
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The Lone Ranger’s Three Wishes
The Lone Ranger is riding across the range when he gets captured by a group of Native Americans.
The tribal leader shows the Lone Ranger his deepest respect, as the Ranger is considered an honorable man. He offers the Ranger three wishes before he is to be put to death by fire.
The Ranger calls for his faithful horse, Silver, and whispers in the horse’s ear. The horse rides off into the distance and a short time later returns with a beautiful blonde riding in his saddle.
The tribal leader is impressed and offers his personal tent to the Ranger. After some time in the tent, the Ranger emerges and asks for his horse again. He whispers in the horse’s ear, and Silver darts off into the distance. This time, Silver returns with a beautiful brunette on his saddle.
The tribal leader is impressed yet again and gestures toward his tent. Once the Ranger emerges from the tent, he asks to see his horse one last time.
The Ranger slaps Silver as hard as he can and says, “Read my lips, you stupid horse! I said POSSE!”
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Only time would tell
The frogs looked real. In fact, I was sure they were. But could they play those little musical instruments, especially burdened by that patina of lacquer inhibiting their movement? Only time would tell, and I had all night.
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Under a buck
What’s the difference between a beer nut and a deer nut?
A bowl of beer nuts is about $1.80, but you can always find a deer nut under a buck. -
Bearly A Joke: Legal Trouble in the Woods
An American lawyer and his Czech brother-in-law are on a hunting vacation in Canada.
As they exit their tent, they run into a male and female bear in the middle of an intimate moment. Enraged at the interruption, the male bear roars, rears up, and, with a sudden pounce, swallows the lawyer’s brother-in-law whole!
The American runs for help, calling out for their Canadian ranger guide, who shows up with his hunting rifle. The American points at the male bear and says, “Quick! Shoot him, but be careful—my brother-in-law’s inside his belly!”
The ranger levels his hunting rifle, takes aim, and shoots the female bear dead! Startled by the shot, the male bear runs off.
The American falls to his knees, looks at the Canadian, and asks, “Why did you shoot the wrong bear?”
The ranger scoffs and says, “Did you really expect me to believe a lawyer who tells me the Czech is in the male?”
