Topic: animals

Animal jokes, pet memes, wildlife weirdness, and creature-based chaos for anyone who suspects nature has been trolling us this whole time.

  • Men Only Want One Thing

    Men Only Want One Thing

    Men only want one
    thing and it’s disgusting

    Then wash it

  • Snails Without Their Shells

    You’d think snails would be faster without their shells.

    But they’re actually a bit more sluggish.

  • An Elephant At The Bar

    An elephant walks into a bar. Nobody acknowledges him.

    The elephant went out and came back with a few of his fellow elephants and got a beer from the bartender.

    The other customers were amazed and asked how he did it.

    The elephant said, “You need to make yourself herd.”

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  • Taking Snails Out of Their Shells

    Taking snails out of their shells won’t make them go faster.

    On the contrary, it makes them more sluggish.

  • The New Bull

    A farmer has two bulls and lots of cows, but both bulls are too old to mate anymore. One day, the farmer buys a third bull. The new bull is much younger and more energetic than the other two, and immediately starts mating with cow after cow.

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    One of the two old bulls starts huffing, snorting, and pawing the ground. “Don’t try to compete with him,” says the other old bull. “You’re too old. He’d laugh at you.”

    “I’m not trying to compete with him,” says the first old bull. “I just want him to know I’m not a cow.”

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  • Avram’s New Cow

    Avram needs a new milk cow, so he travels to Minsk to buy one. When he returns, he immediately sees a problem with the new cow.

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    Every time the bull approached and mounted the cow to mate, the cow would pull away and run to the other side of the pasture. This went on for several days.

    Getting desperate and not knowing what to do, Avram contacted his rabbi for advice. He explained, “Rabbi, my new cow will not let the bull mate. Every time he tries, she runs to the other side of the pasture.”

    The rabbi thinks for a moment, then asks, “Avram, did you, perhaps, get this cow in Minsk?”

    “Why, yes! How could you have known that?”

    There was a long pause, then the rabbi sighed, “My wife is from Minsk.”

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  • Dog Chasing a Rhino

    Dog Chasing a Rhino

    I was extremely drunk that day.

  • Why SeaWorld Closed

    Why did SeaWorld close?

    It was being reporpoised.

  • My Best Friend In Bed

    I came home and found my wife in bed with my best friend!

    She was stroking him, and he was licking her!

    I did what any red-blooded man would do under such circumstances.

    I rolled up a newspaper, bopped him on the nose with it, and yelled:

    “Bad dog! BAD dog!”

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  • Donating Blood

    A priest, a pastor, and a rabbit entered a clinic to donate blood. The nurse asked the rabbit: “What is your blood type?”

    The rabbit says, “I think I might be a type O.”

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