Daily Life Jokes, Memes & Dark Humor

Potatoes You Bought a Month Ago

I told my daughter that I saw a deer on the way to work this morning. She asked me, “How do you know it was on its way to work?”

Two men sat next to each other at Murphy’s Pub in London.

“You sound Irish,” said the first.

“Aye, that I am!” said the second proudly.

“Faith and begorra, so am I! Where from?”

“Dublin.”

“Saints preserve us, me too! What street?”

“McCleary Street.”

“Mother of mercy… that’s my street as well! What school?”

“St. Mary’s, class of ’64.”

“Sweet heavens… I graduated in ’64 too!”

Just then, a man walked in and asked the bartender,

“What’s going on tonight, Murphy?”

The bartender sighed.

“Ah, nothing much… the O’Malley twins are drunk again.”

I rode my bicycle to buy alcohol.

I bought a whiskey and was about to ride home, but I thought, what if I fall off my bike and the bottle breaks?

I decided then and there I’d drink it all up before I rode home. Good thing I did, because I fell off my bicycle seven times.