Topic: daily life

Daily life jokes, memes, dark humor, awkward moments, and weird little disasters from Chaotic Meh — sharp, strange, and probably not safe to explain at brunch.

  • Salsa Class Misunderstanding

    Salsa Class Misunderstanding

    Instructor: Welcome to salsa class! Who’s ready to learn how to dance?

    Me, hiding a bag of tortilla chips: There’s been a misunderstanding.

  • Per Alt Delete

    Per Alt Delete

    9AM: I’m going to work hard and get ahead today.

    9:05AM:

  • Night School 8 AM Class

    The worst part about going to night school to get my college education was ending up with an 8:00 class and having to drag my sleepy ass out of bed by 7:00 PM.

  • Call the Exterminator

    Sometimes I look outside my window and think, “Those people look like ants from here.” But then I realize I live on the first floor, and I really need to call the exterminator.

  • Bushed Beer Remote TV

    Bushed Beer Remote TV

    “I’m bushed… all I want is a beer, my remote and something good on the TV!”

  • Doggy Style Ruins Knees Every Time

    A woman goes to the doctor complaining of bad knee pains. After the diagnostic tests showed nothing, the doctor questions her, “There must be something you’re doing that you haven’t told me. Can you think of anything that might be doing this to your knees?”

    “Well,” she said a little sheepishly, “my husband and I have sex doggy-style on the floor every night.”

    “That’s got to be it,” said the doctor. “There are plenty of other positions and ways to have sex, you know.”

    “Not if you’re going to watch TV, there ain’t,” she replied.

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  • Wife Interrupts Husband’s Porn Search for Curtains

    A husband, his wife asleep, goes to the computer in the living room, opens the browser and starts looking through some porn pics.

    He’s looking, looking, suddenly he hears behind him:

    “Wait wait wait! Scroll up! Again! One more!.. Yes! These are the curtains I want for the kitchen!”

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  • The Ice Cube Rating System

    The Ice Cube Rating System

    “I didn’t have to use my AK, today was a good day.” Honestly, a perfectly scalable life satisfaction metric.

  • I Used to Be Six Feet Tall

    A midget went into a whorehouse. None of the girls really wanted to serve him, so finally they drew lots and Mitzi was unlucky and went up to the room with him.

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    A minute later, there was a loud scream. The Madam and all of the girls charged up the staircase and into the room. Mitzi lay on the floor in a dead faint.

    Standing next to the bed was the midget, nude, with a three-foot cock hanging down and almost touching the floor. The girls were dumbfounded by the sight. Finally, one of them regained her composure enough to say, “Sir, would you mind if we felt it? We’ve never seen anything like that before.”

    The midget sighed. “Okay, honey, but only touching. No sucking. I used to be six feet tall.”

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  • Down For Whatever

    Down For Whatever

    I say “I’m down for whatever” a lot for someone who is down for maybe 3 things and one of those is napping and another is sleeping