Topic: dark humor

Dark humor jokes, memes, dark humor, awkward moments, and weird little disasters from Chaotic Meh — sharp, strange, and probably not safe to explain at brunch.

  • Reverse Exorcism

    Reverse Exorcism

  • Removes Polish With Chemicals

    Removes Polish With Chemicals

  • Dark Humor Blind No Hands Clap

    Dark Humor Blind No Hands Clap

  • The Holy Water Fountain

    Father Rick has lately gotten news that some of the Sisters had been naughty, and he decided to take action. He gathered the Nuns and made them line up in front of the church’s courtyard fountain of holy water.

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    “Now sisters. I understand that desire can be strong. But today you wash away your sins. You name your sin and wash it away with the holy water.”

    The first nun in line admits to having peeked and stared at a penis, so she washes her eyes with the holy water. The second nun admitted to having touched a penis, so she washes her hand in the holy water…

    Then, suddenly, Sister Clarice starts bumping all the other nuns to get to the front of the line.

    “Sister, sister, I appreciate your enthusiasm, but everybody will get their turn.”

    “Well, I’ll tell you what, Father. If I must gargle this holy water, I’m sure going to do it before Sister Marie dunks her ass in it!”

    Share:TwitterFacebookLinkedinRedditWhatsappEmail

  • Make Sure Hes Really Dead

    Two hunters are out in the woods when one collapses. The other calls 911, panicking: “I’m out hunting with my friend. He just fell over, his eyes rolled back in his head, and he’s not breathing. I think he’s dead! What can I do?”

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    The operator calmly replies: “Calm down. First, let’s make sure he’s really dead.” The phone gets quiet at the 911 emergency services’ end for a few seconds, then a gunshot is heard.

    The caller returns: “OK, that’s taken care of — now what?”

    Share:TwitterFacebookLinkedinRedditWhatsappEmail
  • Keep His Liver

    Keep His Liver

  • A Six-Foot Butthole

    An elderly woman is speeding down the highway when she sees a policeman with a radar gun. The policeman signals her to pull over, then walks up to her and asks with a smile, “What’s your hurry?”

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    “I’m late for work.”

    “Sure,” says the officer, “what do you do?”

    “I’m a rectal distender.”

    “What? A rectal distender? What exactly is that?”

    “Well, you see, I start by inserting one finger, then the other, then work up to three fingers, four fingers, until my whole hand is in. I work from side to side until I have both hands in, and then I slowly expand the rectum until it is about six feet wide.”

    “And what do you do with a six-foot butthole?”

    “I give him a speed gun and put him on the side of the road.”

    Share:TwitterFacebookLinkedinRedditWhatsappEmail

  • This Is Going to Be Loud

    A blonde walked into a doctor’s office with a hole in her hand. The doctor told her that he had to report all gunshot wounds, and this was an obvious gunshot wound, so would she please explain how it happened?

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    The blonde said, “Well, to be honest with you, I was trying to commit suicide, so first I stuck the gun in my mouth, but thought, wait a minute, I just had all that bridge work done, and I don’t want to ruin it. So, I pointed the gun between my eyes, and then thought, wait a minute, I just got a nose job not too long ago, and I don’t want to ruin it! Then I pointed the gun at my heart, and thought, wait a minute, I just had these boobs done, and I don’t want to ruin them! So then I stuck the gun in my ear, and thought, wait a minute, this is going to be loud!”

    Share:TwitterFacebookLinkedinRedditWhatsappEmail

  • Explain It Five Times

    A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender “Hey! Wanna hear a blonde joke?”

    The bar immediately becomes absolutely quiet. In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, “Before you tell that joke, you should know something. The BARTENDER is blond, the BOUNCER is blond and I’m a 6′ tall, 200 lb blond with a black belt in karate. What’s more, the guy sitting next to me is 6’2″, weighs 225 lb and he’s a blond weight lifter,” he continues, “The fella to your right is blond, 6’5″ and pushing 300 lb and he’s a wrestler. Think about it seriously, Mister. You still wanna tell that joke?”

    The blind guy goes: “Nah! Not if I’m gonna have to explain it five times.”

    Share:TwitterFacebookLinkedinRedditWhatsappEmail