One week before Easter, my wife walked up to me and slapped me. I said, “What’s that all about?” She said, “Duh. It’s Palm Sunday.” I’m really dreading Fist Monday.
Topic: family
Family jokes, awkward relatives, domestic chaos, and bloodline-based nonsense from Chaotic Meh — sharp, strange, and probably not safe to explain at brunch.
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Remember as you step into the voting booth: Your vote counts just as much as Honey Boo
Remember as you step into the voting booth: Your vote counts just as much as Honey Boo Boo’s mom’s vote. @JennyJohnsonHi5
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As I get older, I am starting to appreciate the messages I get from my Dad, particularly
As I get older, I am starting to appreciate the messages I get from my Dad, particularly since I know it likely took him a half-hour to type out that text.
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If Jesus Were Born Today
If Jesus were born today, the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration would require a five-point safety harness in the manger.
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Reasons for Fist-Pumping “YES!”
Reasons for fist-pumping “YES!”
Before kids: Open bar.
After kids: Other child’s mom volunteers to drive both ways.
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My Dad Trying to Remember a Baseball Player
“Whatever happened to that guy who isn’t there anymore?” My dad, trying to remember the name of a baseball player.
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My Son Has to Wear a Tuxedo for the School Band’s Holiday Concert
My son said he’s required to wear a tuxedo for the school band’s holiday concert. Now I have to buy him black yoga pants and one of those tuxedo T-shirts.
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A Toddler’s Promise
My 3 year old asked how long he had
to wait until he could stop listening to
me. I told him he had to listen to me for
the rest of his life. He looked me dead
in the eyes and said, “I’ll listen to you
for the rest of YOUR life.” Toddlers are
cold-blooded, man. -
Losing Your Son to Heroin
when you lose your son to heroin but
you’re kinda glad your family no longer has
to eat cereal with a fork
