Topic: humor

I’ll bet the best thing about having your hand cut off is when you’re arguing with somebody and you say, “Talk to the hook.”

I saw a quote that said: “Don’t say you don’t have time. You have as much time as Albert Einstein or Thomas Edison did.” Yeah, but they were smarter than I am.

I think there is nothing sadder than a crying clown — unless the clown is crying because he got hit in the crotch with a football, which would be hilarious.

There goes my baby… walkin’ on down the line. Of course, had Sam Cooke understood that in Euclidean geometry, a line is an infinite succession of points and that he would likely never see his baby again, he might have reconsidered his lyrics. Another forceful case for erasing math illiteracy in the USA.

A wise saying in a trying moment is like bread during a famine: Better keep it to yourself, or people will tear you apart.

If “freedom” is just another word for “nothin’ left to lose,” I wonder if Kris Kristofferson can find a cooler word for my situation, too, because “kleptomania” is just so clumsy.

I wonder if the illegal aliens living in the US find all these “Earth Day” celebrations to be exclusionary and somewhat insensitive to beings from their own home planets.

It’s great that the letters in Jim Morrison’s name can be rearranged into a cool nickname: “Mr. Mojo Risin’.” My friend Bart Enos is stuck with “Bear Snot.”