r/Jokes u/vyrago
my wife asked me if I wish she had been born with big tits.
I told her that I find big tits on babies disturbing.
Topic: marriage
Marriage jokes, spouse memes, domestic negotiations, romantic regrets, and legally binding punchlines for people who said “I do” and then kept receipts.
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I Found the TV Remote
OH MY! YOU HAVEN’T TOUCHED AND CARESSED ME LIKE THAT IN YEARS! WHY DID YOU STOP?
I FOUND THE TV REMOTE…
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Watching the Lion King – Better Get the Tissues Ready
[watching the Lion King]
ME: I’ve never seen this before.
WIFE: Oh dear, better get the tissues ready.
ME: I hardly think I’m going to jack off to a bunch of lions Karen.
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I Am Here to Ask For Your Daughters Hand
Me: “I am here to ask for your daughters hand”
Her dad: why?
Me: “cause I’m tired of using mine”
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My Wife Paid Off Our House and Vehicles With Her OnlyFans Account
MY WIFE PAID OFF OUR HOUSE AND VEHICLES WITH HER ONLY FANS ACCOUNT.
SHE’S GONNA FREAK WHEN SHE FINDS OUT SHE HAS AN ONLY FANS ACCOUNT.
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Marriage Not as Good as Predator, Say Men
Marriage not as good as ‘Predator’, say men
MARRYING a woman who shares your hopes and dreams is still nowhere near as good as Predator, according to a new survey.
A poll of husbands for Bride magazine found that 80% rated the Schwarzenegger epic had higher levels of excitement and intellectual stimulation than a lifetime commitment to some woman.
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Fuck Him, Give Him Five Dollars
A mailman was delivering mail on Christmas Eve when a beautiful middle-aged woman stopped him and said, “Can you come inside the house real quick?”
The mailman was intrigued and followed her inside.
She took him to the bedroom, started taking her clothes off, and they had sex.
After it was over, he got dressed to leave, and she handed him a five-dollar bill.
The mailman, confused, asked, “What was all this for?”
She said, “My husband and I were discussing Christmas gifts, and I asked him if we should give anything to the mailman.”
“He said, ‘Ahh, fuck him, give him five dollars.’”
