Max Dylan Ash @mynameisntdave
ME: honey, it’s really muggy out today
WIFE: if I go outside & all our mugs are on the front lawn, I’m leaving u
ME: *sips coffee from bowl*
Topic: marriage
Marriage jokes, spouse memes, domestic negotiations, romantic regrets, and legally binding punchlines for people who said “I do” and then kept receipts.
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I Struck Down a Jedi – Yes Use Your Hate
Gringo Brulee @GringoBrulee
Wife: wtf is this pile of clothes doing on the floor?
Me: I struck down a Jedi.
W: god I hate you.
M: yes, use your hate
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Can You Give the Kids a Talk on Drugs – I Talk a Lot of Shit When I’m High
Wife: Can you give the kids a talk on drugs?
Me: Ok but I talk a lot of shit when I’m high
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So Dracula Won’t Try to Eat My Ass – Garlic in My Pants
m@thew @TweetPotato314
wife: why r u putting garlic in ur pants
me: so dracula won’t try to eat my ass
wife: why would dracula try to eat ur ass
me: he won’t. the garlic- r u even listening
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My Wife Asked Me if I Wish She Had Been Born With Big Tits
r/Jokes u/vyrago
my wife asked me if I wish she had been born with big tits.
I told her that I find big tits on babies disturbing.
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I Found the TV Remote
OH MY! YOU HAVEN’T TOUCHED AND CARESSED ME LIKE THAT IN YEARS! WHY DID YOU STOP?
I FOUND THE TV REMOTE…
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Watching the Lion King – Better Get the Tissues Ready
[watching the Lion King]
ME: I’ve never seen this before.
WIFE: Oh dear, better get the tissues ready.
ME: I hardly think I’m going to jack off to a bunch of lions Karen.
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I Am Here to Ask For Your Daughters Hand
Me: “I am here to ask for your daughters hand”
Her dad: why?
Me: “cause I’m tired of using mine”
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My Wife Paid Off Our House and Vehicles With Her OnlyFans Account
MY WIFE PAID OFF OUR HOUSE AND VEHICLES WITH HER ONLY FANS ACCOUNT.
SHE’S GONNA FREAK WHEN SHE FINDS OUT SHE HAS AN ONLY FANS ACCOUNT.
