Doctor: “Have you been taking the medicine I prescribed you last month?”
Me: “It says to take on an empty stomach, so no, I haven’t had the chance.”
Topic: medical
Medical jokes, doctor-office awkwardness, hospital humor, and body-related disasters from Chaotic Meh — sharp, strange, and probably not safe to explain at brunch.
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The End of the Line
A young man goes into the Job Centre in Sydney, and sees an ad for a Gynaecologist’s Assistant.
Interested, he goes to learn more.
“Can you give me some more details on this job?” he asks the clerk.
The clerk pulls up the file and says, “The job entails getting the women ready for the gynaecological consult. You have to help them out of their underwear, lay them down, and carefully wash their private regions, then apply shaving foam and gently shave off the hair, then rub in soothing oils so that they’re ready for the examination. There’s an annual salary of $75,000, but you’re going to have to go to Perth – other side of the country.”
The man says, “Oh, is that where the job is?”
The clerk says, “No sir. That’s where the end of the line is right now.”
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Right Up There
Not sure if a colonoscopy is the most painful medical procedure but it’s right up there!
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The Last Thing You Want to Hear
When I was getting my physical, at one point the doctor told me I’d feel a small prick.
Definitely the last thing you want to hear before a prostate exam.
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Now I’m a Registered Sex Offender
My doctor told me I could have a stroke at any time.
Now I’m a registered sex offender.
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It’s Up a Fairway
A guy came to the doctor, asking if he could help get a golf ball out of his ass.
“I don’t think I can. It’s up a fairway.”
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The Gynecologist Mechanic
A gynecologist had grown tired of malpractice insurance, paperwork, and burnout.
Hoping to start a new career where skilled hands would still be useful, he decided to become a mechanic.
He enrolled in evening classes at a local technical college, studied diligently, and learned everything he could.
When the practical exam finally arrived, he prepared carefully and completed it with tremendous skill.
A few days later, he received his results and was shocked to discover he had scored 150%.
Assuming there had been some kind of mistake, he called the instructor.
“I don’t mean to sound ungrateful,” he said, “but I think there may be an error in my score.”
The instructor replied, “During the exam, you took the engine apart perfectly. That earned you 50%.”
“You then put the engine back together perfectly. That earned you the other 50%.”
After a brief pause, the instructor added:
“I gave you an extra 50% because you did the whole thing through the exhaust pipe, and I’ve never seen that done before.”
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You Have 5
Doctor tells the patient, “You have an incurable disease and you don’t have that much time before you die.”
Patient asks, “How long before I die, doc?”
Doctor goes, “You have 5…”
Patient asking frantically, “5 what? 5 years? 5 months? 5 days?!”
Doctor, “4.”
