Topic: relationships

Relationship jokes, dating disasters, marriage chaos, red flags, and emotionally questionable laughs for people who have loved, lost, and texted anyway.

  • I Had No Idea Your Father Was a Pharmacist

    A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her and her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl tells him that after dinner, she would like to have sex with him for the first time. The boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacy to get some condoms.

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    The pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex. At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he’d like to buy: a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.

    That night, the boy shows up at the girl’s parents’ house and meets his girlfriend at the door. “Oh, I’m so excited for you to meet my parents! Come on in.”

    The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl’s parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down. Ten minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.

    Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, “I had no idea you were this religious.”

    The boy turns, and whispers back, “I had no idea your father was a pharmacist!”

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  • It’s the Truth I’m Worried About

    A friend of mine was trying to figure out the best way to break up with her boyfriend. She seemed awfully concerned that he not be angry.

    “Are you afraid he’ll spread lies about you?” I asked.

    “I don’t mind the lies,” she answered. “But if he ever tells the truth, I’ll break his neck.”

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  • Reasons Why Motorcycles Are Better Than Women

    Motorcycles only need their fluids changed every 2,000 miles.

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    Motorcycles’ curves never sag.

    Motorcycles last longer.

    Motorcycles don’t get pregnant.

    You can ride a motorcycle any time of the month.

    Motorcycles don’t have parents.

    Motorcycles don’t whine unless something is really wrong.

    You can kick your motorcycle to wake it up.

    You can share your motorcycle with your friends.

    If your motorcycle makes too much noise, you can buy a muffler.

    You only need to get a new chain or belt for your motorcycle when the old one is really worn.

    If your motorcycle smokes, you can do something about it.

    Motorcycles don’t care about how many other motorcycles you have ridden.

    When riding, you and your motorcycle both arrive at the same time.

    Motorcycles don’t care about how many other motorcycles you have.

    Motorcycles don’t mind if you look at other motorcycles, or if you buy motorcycle magazines.

    New motorcycles must be asked for, and if you don’t want to pay for them, you don’t get them.

    If your motorcycle goes flat, you can fix it.

    If your motorcycle is too loose, you can tighten it.

    If your motorcycle is too soft, you can get different shocks.

    If your motorcycle is misaligned, you don’t have to discuss politics to correct it.

    You can have a beer while riding your motorcycle.

    You can have a black motorcycle and show it to your parents.

    You don’t have to be jealous of the guy who works on your motorcycle.

    You don’t have to deal with priests or blood tests to register your motorcycle.

    You don’t have to convince your motorcycle that you’re a motorcyclist and that you think motorcycles are equals.

    If you say bad things to your motorcycle, you don’t have to apologize before you can ride it again.

    You can ride a motorcycle as long as you want and it won’t get sore.

    Your parents don’t remain in touch with your old motorcycle after you dump it.

    Motorcycles always feel like going for a ride.

    Motorcycles don’t insult you if you’re a bad rider.

    Your motorcycle never wants a night out alone with the other motorcycles.

    Motorcycles don’t care if you’re late.

    You don’t have to take a shower before riding your motorcycle.

    It’s always OK to use tie-downs on your motorcycle.

    If your motorcycle doesn’t look good, you can paint it or get better parts.

    You can’t get diseases from a motorcycle you don’t know very well.

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  • Ears Have It: A Mistaken Compliment

    A young man is walking through his apartment lobby when he bumps into a gorgeous woman wearing a very loosely-tied robe.

    She begins flirting with him, and after a minute she places her hand on his chest and says, “Let’s go to my place. I hear someone coming.”

    He follows her into her apartment, and once inside she immediately slips off her robe.

    “Tell me,” she purrs, “what do you think is my best feature?”

    “Um, I guess that would be your ears,” he replies nervously.

    “My ears?” she says. “Look at these breasts! And this ass! How can you possibly think that the best part of this body is my ears?”

    “Well,” he stammers, “back in the hall when you said you heard someone coming? That was me.”

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  • Wife’s Accidental Car Meeting Goes Wrong

    Over dinner, a woman said to her husband, “I met this horrible and rude man downtown this morning, and right away I knew he was a troublemaker. He started to insult me; he used really bad language; he even threatened me!”

    “How did you meet this fellow?” He asked, very concerned.

    She said, “Well, we met by accident, I hit him with the car.”

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  • Annual 4 Inch

    Annual 4 Inch

    It’s my wife’s birthday

    Annual 4 Inch

    $5.99 EACH

  • Ugly and Poor

    Women call me ugly only until they find how much I make.

    Then they call me ugly and poor!!

  • Taco City Beans

    Taco City Beans

    CAUTION: GAS LINE CALL BEFORE YOU DRILL

    TACO CITY

    BEANS

    8.

  • No Smoking Bad Sex

    No Smoking Bad Sex

    NO SMOKING

    “I’ve got to give you credit. How you can squeeze that much bad sex into 2 minutes, is beyond me.”

  • Hot Glue

    If you’re trying to mend a broken relationship, keep in mind that hot glue is only a temporary solution.