After months and months of begging, I finally got to see my long-distance girlfriend’s amazing naked body via webcam today. Now I just pray she doesn’t find the hidden camera.
Topic: relationships
Relationship jokes, dating disasters, marriage chaos, red flags, and emotionally questionable laughs for people who have loved, lost, and texted anyway.
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The worst part of giving a handjob is getting his pubes stuck in
The worst part of giving a handjob is getting his pubes stuck in my freshly applied nail polish.
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My boyfriend told me, “I want to take a picture of my cock
My boyfriend told me, “I want to take a picture of my cock between the twins.” WTF? I’m not so sure I want my niece and nephew that close to a rooster!
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If I had a penis, I’d probably spend hours perfecting that
If I had a penis, I’d probably spend hours perfecting that “thwap” noise I’d want it to make when I hit it against my girlfriend.
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Pickup lines do NOT work. Last night, eight different women
Pickup lines do NOT work. Last night, eight different women laughed at me and all I said
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All of my men know the Rule of Tits: I have the tits; therefore,
All of my men know the Rule of Tits: I have the tits; therefore, I rule.
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I’m sick of lying in bed and playing with myself all day long. I
I’m sick of lying in bed and playing with myself all day long. I suppose I need to find someone to do that for me.
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If I were a woman, I’d want to be a lesbian so I could still be
If I were a woman, I’d want to be a lesbian so I could still be turned down by women I want to sleep with. Over the years I’ve gotten pretty good at handling that kind of rejection.
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I think my boyfriend was upset about the anatomically correct
I think my boyfriend was upset about the anatomically correct snow replica I sculpted of him. Maybe it was that baby carrot.
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I guess until I actually said it, it never seemed anything *but*
I guess until I actually said it, it never seemed anything *but* complimentary to tell her that she tasted “vulvalicious.”
