HIM: the dishwasher is acting weird
HER: what’s it doing
HIM: chopping fucking vegetables
Relationship jokes, dating disasters, marriage chaos, red flags, and emotionally questionable laughs for people who have loved, lost, and texted anyway.

HIM: the dishwasher is acting weird
HER: what’s it doing
HIM: chopping fucking vegetables

Women won’t date a guy that lives with his mom but they will date a guy that lives with his wife
After months and months of begging, I finally got to see my long-distance girlfriend’s amazing naked body via webcam today. Now I just pray she doesn’t find the hidden camera.
The worst part of giving a handjob is getting his pubes stuck in my freshly applied nail polish.
My boyfriend told me, “I want to take a picture of my cock between the twins.” WTF? I’m not so sure I want my niece and nephew that close to a rooster!
If I had a penis, I’d probably spend hours perfecting that “thwap” noise I’d want it to make when I hit it against my girlfriend.
Pickup lines do NOT work. Last night, eight different women laughed at me and all I said