Topic: relationships

Relationship jokes, dating disasters, marriage chaos, red flags, and emotionally questionable laughs for people who have loved, lost, and texted anyway.

  • Before and After Marriage

    Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves.

    After marriage, the “Y” becomes silent.

  • The Joke He Didn’t Tell

    A blind man accidentally walks into a ladies’ bar.

    He feels his way to a stool, sits down, and orders a drink.

    After a while, he calls out to the bartender, “Hey, want to hear a blonde joke?”

    The bar goes completely silent.

    Then, in a deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, “Before you tell that joke, sir, you should know a few things.

    First, the bartender is blonde. Second, the bouncer is blonde. Third, I’m a six-foot-tall, 200-pound blonde with a black belt in karate. Fourth, the woman next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter. And fifth, the lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.”

    She pauses. “Now think carefully… do you still want to tell that joke?”

    The blind man sits quietly for a moment, then shakes his head.

    “Nah… not if I’m going to have to explain it five times.”

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  • Aren’t going to work out

    I asked my date to meet me at the gym, but she never showed up…
    Guess the two of us aren’t going to work out.

  • Harvard Sweatshirts and Embarrassing Checkups!

    Some questions are better left unasked.

    A girl goes into the doctor’s office for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, the doctor notices a red “H” on her chest.

    “How did you get that mark on your chest?” asks the doctor.

    “Oh, my boyfriend went to Harvard, and he’s so proud of it he never takes off his Harvard sweatshirt, even when we make love,” she replies.

    A couple of days later, another girl comes in for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a blue “Y” on her chest.

    “How did you get that mark on your chest?” the doctor asks.

    “Oh, my boyfriend went to Yale, and he’s so proud of it that he never takes off his Yale sweatshirt, even when we make love,” she replies.

    A couple of days later, another girl comes in for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a green “M” on her chest.

    “Do you have a boyfriend at Michigan?” asks the doctor.

    She replies, “No, but I have a girlfriend at Wisconsin.”

    “Why do you ask?”

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  • You Can Get Us Two Bills

    You Can Get Us Two Bills

    You Can Get Us Two Bills
  • Slightly Upset

    Slightly Upset

    Slightly Upset

  • A lot of things changed

    When my girlfriend got pregnant, a lot of things changed.
    Like my name, my phone number, and my address.

  • Ex-Wife’s Comeback: Love Beyond Worn-Out!

    A husband sees his ex-wife on the street. Knowing she remarried, he says, “Hey! How does your new husband like that worn-out old pussy of yours?”

    And she says, “He likes it just fine, once he gets past the worn-out part.”

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  • I didn’t know she sold flowers

    My girlfriend asked why I never buy her flowers.

    I told her I didn’t know she sold flowers.

  • He was gladiator

    What did Spartacus say when the lion ate his wife?

    Nothing. He was gladiator.