DICK
Topic: sex
Dark sex jokes, adult memes, awkward hookups, bedroom disasters, and the kind of punchlines that should probably clear their browser history afterward.
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Prostate Exam
Dr: you need to stop masturbating
Me: for how long?
Dr: at least until I finish your prostate exam
Me: fair enough
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Dad Behind Me
Lost my virginity today… made me remember when i first learnt how to ride a bike. My dad was behind me the whole time
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Dry Lips Hurt When You Walk
Her: My lips are so dry
Him: Doesn’t that hurt when you walk?
Her: What?
Him: What?
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Grandfather Clock Skirt
nene @dollcharm: this is literally the perfect skirt length
President Biden @POTUS: my dick would be swinging out the bottom like a grandfather clock
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Death by Unga Bunga
Three explorers crash-land their plane on an uncharted tropical island. The isolationist islanders promptly capture the three survivors and put them on trial for trespassing. Surprisingly, the grand chief of the island speaks broken English.
“You break harmony on our land,” he says. “There are two punishments for this offense: death, or unga bunga. Choose.” The chief points at the first explorer.
The first guy chooses unga bunga, because what could be worse than death? Then three islanders step out and drop their loincloths to reveal porn-sized penises. The three islanders then fuck the explorer six ways from Sunday. Once the islanders are spent, the explorer is released.
The chief then points to the second explorer. “Choose,” he says.
The second explorer weighs his options. After an excruciating exchange in his own head, he meekly replies, “Unga bunga.”
Three more islanders drop their loincloths, their penises even bigger than the ones before. They have their way with the second explorer and then release him.
The chief points at the third explorer. “Choose,” he says.
“Death,” the explorer replies.
The chief scratches his chin and reflects. “No one ever choose death before… Death by unga bunga!”
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Tight, Isn’t It?
A man picks up a prostitute and is headed for the motel. She just cannot stop talking about how awesome her pussy is. They get to the motel room and undress.
To demonstrate, she says to him, “Put a finger in.” He puts a finger in.
“Put two fingers in.” He puts two fingers in.
“Put four fingers in.” He does.
“Put your hand in.” He does.
“Put your other hand in.” He does.
“Now, clap!”
He tries and tries, but cannot clap.
She says, “Tight, isn’t it?”
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Nana Recognizes You
When you’re having the best sex of your life but then Nana starts to recognize you again
@Supersaw
