Topic: sex

Dark sex jokes, adult memes, awkward hookups, bedroom disasters, and the kind of punchlines that should probably clear their browser history afterward.

  • Mellencamp

    Mellencamp

    When the dump is so big you accidentally give yourself a Mellencamp

    mellencamp

    To take a dump so large that the prostate is stimulated and the male ejaculates a little while taking the shit. Called a mellencamp because “it hurts so good.”

  • The Elephant Trunk

    A man goes to the doctor, absolutely desperate. He says, “Doc, I was in a horrible accident and lost my penis. I can’t live like this, you have to help me!”

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    The doctor says, “Good news, we have an experimental procedure. We take a baby elephant’s trunk, graft it on, and it works perfectly.”

    The man agrees immediately. The surgery is a success.

    Two months later, the man brings a beautiful woman home for a date. Things start heating up, and suddenly, the man feels a twitch in his pants. The trunk-penis is waking up.

    As they are sitting there, the elephant trunk unzips his fly, creeps onto the table, reaches into the breadbasket, grabs a dinner roll, and disappears back under the table.

    The woman is stunned, her eyes wide.

    “That was… amazing!” she says. “Can you do that again?”

    The guy smiles, wincing in pain, and replies, “I’d love to, but I don’t think I can fit another dinner roll up my ass!”

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  • Could You Vape Semen

    Could You Vape Semen

    r/morbidquestions u/thatcatinthecorner 14h

    Could you vape semen?

    If it was watered down to the approximate thickness of fluid, could you vape semen?

    192 60 Share

    BEST COMMENTS

    DrDank7 12h

    Great now you’re making vaping even more gay

    445

    1simis 9h

    It’s a double negative though so it cancels out

    115

    What_R_YOU_Doin_Here 6h

    I don’t think that’s how this works. If you are giving a bj and taking it in the ass at the same time, does that make you straight?

    18

    WillBeamon 6h

    Obviously

    33

  • Holy Spirit Strangling Hookers

    Holy Spirit Strangling Hookers

    “Wooooo… I am the Holy Spirit! What you are doing is a SIN!”

    “Nonsense—masturbation is healthy and natural.”

    “No, I meant strangling hookers.”

    “Oh, right. Tbat.”

  • Happy Meal for Grown Ups

    Happy Meal for Grown Ups

    IF THEY MADE A HAPPY MEAL

    BAREFOOT SWEET RED CALIFORNIA RED WINE BLEND

    Babybel

    GHIRARDELLI INTENSE DARK SEA SALT SOIREE ALMOND

    FOR GROWN UPS.

  • My Thai Artist Girlfriend’s New Art

    My Thai Artist Girlfriend’s New Art

    My thai artist girl friend just sent me her new art:

  • Handshake Alternatives: Docking

    Handshake Alternatives: Docking

    CORONAVIRUS (COVID-19) HANDSHAKE ALTERNATIVES

    THE BUMP

    THE BOW

    DOCKING

    THE FOOT TAP

    de.gov/coronavirus

  • Cindy the Witch

    A guy goes to a whorehouse, feeling extremely horny. He’s willing to pay big money. The madame realizes that all her girls are currently occupied, but she doesn’t want to lose out on the cash. So she gets an idea.

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    She puts a blow-up doll in a darkened room. Then she goes back to the guy and says, “You can have Cindy. She’s very shy and doesn’t speak or react, and she likes to do it with the lights off. But you can do anything you want with her, she won’t complain.”

    The guy pays his money and goes up to the room.

    Ten minutes later he runs back down, naked, screaming, “Cindy’s a witch! Cindy’s a witch!”

    “What’s wrong?” asks the madame.

    “Well, you told me I could do what I like with Cindy, so I thought I’d try some rough stuff!”

    “What happened?”

    “I bit her tit and she flew out the window!”

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  • The Speed Limit of Sex

    What is the speed limit of sex?

    68 — because at 69 you have to turn around.

  • Gordon Ramsay Dwarf Lookalike Eaten by Badger

    Gordon Ramsay Dwarf Lookalike Eaten by Badger

    rachel @raalaa_

    Roses are red, Sugar is used to sweeten

    Gordon Ramsay’s dwarf porn star look alike found dead in badger den half eaten