Told my wife I was so stressed that only a blowjob would help.
She asked me where I was going to find a dick to suck at this time of night.
Topic: sex
Dark sex jokes, adult memes, awkward hookups, bedroom disasters, and the kind of punchlines that should probably clear their browser history afterward.
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Chainsaw Fart Scratches the Itch
When your asshole itches but you rip a chainsaw fart that scratches it on the way out
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Fuck Trump Doesn’t Mean That
EVERYBODY WANTS TO HAVE SEX WITH ME
DONALD THATS NOT WHAT “FUCK TRUMP” MEANS
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Sit Somewhere Else on the Bus
If a woman is uncomfortable watching you masturbate, she:
A) has intimacy issues
B) is frigid
C) needs to sit somewhere else on the bus
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You Ain’t That Straight
Israel Health Minister Yaakov Litzman, who previously claimed that the coronavirus was “divine punishment against homosexuality,” has tested positive for the virus.
I said, “Well, you ain’t that straight.”
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Gay People Aren’t Fucking Assholes – Technically
Would a gay shop owner decline service to someone because they were straight? No. Because gay people aren’t fucking assholes.
WELL… TECHNICALLY
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Saving Up All Week for Our Date
Guy: I’m really excited about our date tonight, I’ve been saving up all week for it
Girl: That’s so sweet of you but I really don’t mind splitting the check
Guy: I’m not talking about money
