Me: *beating my meat at 3am*
My Apple Watch:
Why are you running?
Topic: sex
Dark sex jokes, adult memes, awkward hookups, bedroom disasters, and the kind of punchlines that should probably clear their browser history afterward.
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Tonight’s Main Story: My Outfit Looks Like Balls and a Cock Peeing – More at 11
“Tonight’s main story: my outfit looks like balls and a cock, peeing. More at 11”
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Someone Finally Wrote a Book on Clock Fetishes – It’s About Fucking Time
WOW someone finally wrote a book on clock fetishes
it’s about fucking time
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Do Amish Dudes Have to Row Boat Their Wife’s Titties?
Hes probably thinking about other women
Do Amish dudes have to row boat their wife’s titties?
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Game Show Idea: 11 Gay Men and 1 Straight Man – None of the Men Are Actually Gay
Game Show Idea:
11 gay men and 1 straight man are locked in a house. The object for the gay men is to find out who isn’t gay. Once a week someone gets outvoted, until 2 are left, or the straight man is out. If the gays manage to outvote him, they win 1 million dollars. If the straight man is among the 2 last people in the house in the end, he wins 1 million dollars.
Now here’s the twist: None of the men are actually gay, they just all think they are the one straight man.
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Condoms Are for Fucking Pussies – He’s Got a Point
Jackson
Condoms are for fucking pussies
No, no, he’s got a point.
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If Size Doesn’t Matter Why Are There No 3 Inch Dildos
If size doesn’t matter why are there no 3 inch dildos
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When You Said You Were a Monster in Bed But Didn’t Get Specific
When you said you were a monster in bed, but didn’t get specific
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My First High School Football Game Was a Lot Like the First Time I Had Sex
MY FIRST HIGH SCHOOL FOOTBALL GAME WAS A LOT LIKE THE FIRST TIME I HAD SEX
I WAS BLOODY AND SORE BUT AT LEAST MY DAD CAME
