Topic: work
Work jokes, office memes, job interview disasters, coworker chaos, and professional suffering with just enough sarcasm to survive another meeting.
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Back at work tomorrow
A morgue worker died today.
But he’ll be back at work tomorrow. -
Papal Joyride: A Divine Driving Desire
After getting Pope Francis’s luggage loaded into the limo, the driver notices the pope is still standing on the curb.
“Excuse me, Your Holiness,” says the driver. “Would you please take your seat so we can leave?”
“Well, to tell you the truth,” says the pope, “they never let me drive at the Vatican, and I’d really like to drive today.”
“I’m sorry, Your Holiness, but I cannot let you do that. I’d lose my job! What if something should happen?!” protests the driver, wishing he’d never gone to work that morning.
“Who’s going to tell?” says the pope with a smile.
Reluctantly, the driver gets in the back as the pope climbs in behind the wheel. The driver quickly regrets his decision when, after exiting the airport, the pontiff floors it, accelerating the limo to 205 km/h.
“Please slow down, Your Holiness,” pleads the worried driver, but the pope keeps the pedal to the metal until they hear sirens.
“Oh, dear God, I’m going to lose my license—and my job!” moans the driver.
The pope pulls over and rolls down the window as the cop approaches, but the cop takes one look at him, goes back to his motorcycle, and gets on the radio.
“I need to talk to the chief,” he says to the dispatcher.The chief gets on the radio, and the cop tells him that he’s stopped a limo going 205 km/h.
“So bust him,” says the chief.
“I don’t think we want to do that. He’s really important,” says the cop.
The chief exclaims, “All the more reason!”
“No, I mean really important,” says the cop with a bit of persistence.
The chief then asks, “Who do you have there, the mayor?”
Cop: “Bigger.”
Chief: “A senator?”
Cop: “Bigger.”Chief: “The president?”
Cop: “Bigger.”
“Well,” says the chief, “who is it?”
Cop: “I think it’s God!”
The chief is even more puzzled and curious. “What makes you think it’s God?”
Cop: “His chauffeur is the pope!”
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Firefighter or Photographer? The Great Mix-Up!
A photographer for a prominent national news magazine was assigned to get photos of a humongous forest fire.
Smoke at the scene was too thick to get any good shots, so he frantically called his home office to hire a plane. His editor made the arrangements and assured him the plane would be started and waiting for him at the airport.
As soon as he got to the small rural airport, sure enough, a plane was warming up near the runway. He jumped in with his equipment and yelled, “Let’s go! Let’s go!”
The pilot turned the plane into the wind, and soon they were in the air.
“Fly over the north side of the fire,” said the photographer, “and make three or four low-level passes.”
“Why?” asked the pilot.
“Because I’m going to take pictures! I’m a photographer, and photographers take pictures!” said the photographer with great exasperation and impatience.
After a long pause, the pilot said, “Wait, you mean you’re not the instructor?”
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Hammering Home the Ethics
After attending ethics training, Bob went up to his boss.
“Boss,” he said, “that ethics training has me feeling bad about us doing product testing on animals.”
The boss replied, “But Bob, this is an accepted practice, and many shampoo and cosmetics manufacturers test their products on animals.”
Bob responded, “Yeah, but we make hammers!”
