There’s no such thing as a perfect name for a firefigh…..
Lieutenant Les McBurney Sun Prairie Fire Department
Topic: work
Work jokes, office memes, job interview disasters, coworker chaos, and professional suffering with just enough sarcasm to survive another meeting.
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Riveting
So, what do you do for work?
I drill holes in sheets of metal.
Then I use metal pins to connect said sheets of metal.
Riveting…
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Hallmark Movie
woman: i have a high paying job in new york city that i love and christmas isn’t that important to me
her black friend: you need a MAN
woman’s dad: come to the small town,, we are suffering without a baker for our town festivale
woman: ok dad
man: i harvest maple syrup for a living and make 2 dollars a year
woman: :/
man: will you harvest maple syrup with me…
woman: i’ve decided i hate my job and i’m going to resign myself to making christmas tree ornaments in fuckberg for the rest of my life
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Microsoft Office Pun
Boss: How good are you at Power Point?
Me: I Excel at it
Boss: Was that a Microsoft Office pun?
Me: Word
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Office Space Ditches
The older I get the more I understand why Peter was happy to dig ditches for a living at the end of Office Space
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Havent Seen You for Weeks
A Woman goes to buy a Parrot. The prices are $100, $200, and $15. She asks why the last one is so cheap?
“Because he used to live in a brothel” says the shopkeeper. She pays $15.
When she gets home the parrot says: “Fuck me, a new brothel!” The woman laughs.
When her daughters get home the parrot says: “Fuck me, 2 new prozzies!” The girls laughs too.
When the dad gets home the parrot says: “Fuck me Pete, haven’t seen you for weeks!”
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Top 15 Porn Goddess Pet Peeves
The Top 15 Porn Goddess Pet Peeves
15. Recent flood of scripts with scenes involving cigars.
14. Your SAG card isn’t as impressive as it could be because it bears the name “BUSTY CHIXX.”
13. Video sales dropped 20% after Starr Report posted on the Web.
12. Wow! I can’t believe that a gorgeous adult video queen is *actually* reading one of my submissions!! I’m sorry — what was the question?
11. Inconsiderate jerk co-stars who grab the refried bean lunch special at the studio commissary.
10. Auto mechanic always over-stressing the words pump, hose, fill and lube when he works on your car.
9. Can’t enjoy a simple hot dog without thinking about work.
8. Friggin’ plumber always seems to break more than he fixes, conveniently guaranteeing himself weekly visits to the house.
7. Chauffeurs who keep asking if you want your top down.
6. Mail keeps getting misdelivered ever since you named yourself after a continent.
5. Directors who think that putting a girl on her knees on a rock-hard pool table under burning hot set lights for 5 hours straight with the ugliest partner known to man
4. Those embarrassing “Bring Your Daughter To Work Day” moments.
3. Trying to remove that piece of glued-on, strategically placed black paper after the magazine photo shoot.
2. All that pesky dialogue — was my line “yes, yes, oh baby!”, or “oh baby, yes, yes!”?
1. IRS auditors who keep demanding tangible evidence for “proof of employment.”
[ This list copyright 1998 by Chris White ]
[ The Top 5 List http://www.topfive.com ] -
Five Million Dollar Savings Account
A man walks into a bank.
Goes up to the teller and says, “I’d like to open a damn savings account.”
The teller says, “Sir, I’d be happy to help you, but this is a place of business — you can’t swear here.”
The man replies, “I don’t care, just let me open a damn savings account.”
The teller says, “Sir, that’s just inappropriate. If you keep talking to me that way I’ll have to get the manager.”
The man says, “Why won’t you just open the damn savings account?”
So the teller goes and gets the manager — he comes out and says, “Alright sir, I understand you’re swearing at my employee — what seems to be the problem here?”
The man says, “I don’t have a problem — I just won 5 million dollars in the lottery and I want to open up a damn savings account!”
The manager looks at the teller and back at the man and says, “And this motherfucker wouldn’t let you?”
