Delivery Style: bait and switch

Bait and switch joke delivery styles, punchline pacing, and comedy formats for people with specific chaos preferences from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • Irish Viagra

    An Irish woman of a certain age went to see her doctor and asked if there was anything he could prescribe to help revive her husband’s love life.

    “Have you tried Viagra?” the doctor asked.

    “Not a hope,” she replied. “The man won’t even take a paracetamol.”

    “No problem,” said the doctor. “Try what we call ‘Irish Viagra.’ Slip a tablet into his coffee. He’ll never notice it. Give it a go and ring me next week to let me know how you get on.”

    Well, she didn’t even last the week before calling him back.

    “Doctor!” she cried. “Faith and begorrah, it was awful! Absolutely terrible!”

    “Really?” the doctor asked. “What happened?”

    “Well, I did exactly what you said and dropped the tablet into his coffee. The effect was nearly instant. He leapt to his feet with a wild sparkle in his eye and his trousers bulging like a circus tent!”

    The doctor said, “Good heavens.”

    “Before I knew it, he swept the cups clean off the table, tore me clothes clean off me back, and took me there and then, right on the tabletop!”

    “So why was it so terrible?” asked the doctor. “Was the sex not good?”

    “Good?” she shouted. “It was the best sex I’ve had in twenty-five years!” She paused dramatically.

    “But I’ll never be able to show me face in Starbucks again!”

    Share:TwitterFacebookLinkedinRedditWhatsappEmail

  • How Do You Arrange a Flood

    Two retired New York businessmen run into each other in Florida.

    After the usual greetings, the second one asked the first guy, “What happened to your business?” The first guy answers, “Competition started eating into my profits. There was a fire that destroyed the business so I decided to take the insurance money and retire. What about your business?” The second guy says, “Similar to you but I had a flood destroy my business.” The first man asks, “How do you arrange a flood?”

    Share:TwitterFacebookLinkedinRedditWhatsappEmail

  • The End of the Line

    A young man goes into the Job Centre in Sydney, and sees an ad for a Gynaecologist’s Assistant.

    Interested, he goes to learn more.

    “Can you give me some more details on this job?” he asks the clerk.

    The clerk pulls up the file and says, “The job entails getting the women ready for the gynaecological consult. You have to help them out of their underwear, lay them down, and carefully wash their private regions, then apply shaving foam and gently shave off the hair, then rub in soothing oils so that they’re ready for the examination. There’s an annual salary of $75,000, but you’re going to have to go to Perth – other side of the country.”

    The man says, “Oh, is that where the job is?”

    The clerk says, “No sir. That’s where the end of the line is right now.”

    Share:TwitterFacebookLinkedinRedditWhatsappEmail

  • Your Feet Were Too Far Apart

    A young woman had been taking golf lessons. She had just started playing her first round of golf when she suffered a bee sting.

    Her pain was so intense that she decided to return to the clubhouse for help and to complain. Her golf pro saw her coming to the clubhouse and asked, “Why are you back so early?”

    “I was stung by a bee,” she said.

    “Where?” he asked.

    “Between the first and second hole,” she replied.

    He nodded knowingly and said, “Then your feet were too far apart.”

    Share:TwitterFacebookLinkedinRedditWhatsappEmail

  • You Wanted Me to Say Shingles

    A man claims he has the smartest dog in the world. His friend doesn’t believe him.

    “Prove it,” the friend says.

    The man points to his dog and says, “Go get me something to eat.”

    The dog runs off and comes back with a sandwich.

    “Lucky guess,” says the friend.

    The man tries again: “Go get me something to drink.”

    The dog runs off and comes back with a soda.

    The friend is impressed but still skeptical.

    “Alright… ask him something harder.”

    The man nods and says, “What’s on top of a house?”

    The dog barks, “Roof!”

    The friend laughs. “That’s it? Any dog could do that!”

    The dog looks at him and says, “You wanted me to say shingles?”

    Share:TwitterFacebookLinkedinRedditWhatsappEmail

  • Two No Shows But I Had Fun

    I had my first threesome tonight.

    There were two no shows but I had fun.

  • Its Dark in Here Isnt It

    A married woman is having an affair. Whenever her lover comes over, she puts her nine-year-old son in the closet. One day the woman hears a car in the driveway and puts her lover in the closet, as well.

    Inside the closet, the little boy says, “It’s dark in here, isn’t it?” “Yes it is,” the man replies.

    “You wanna buy a baseball?” the little boy asks. “No thanks,” the man replies.

    “I think you do want to buy a baseball,” the little extortionist continues. “OK. How much?” the man replies after considering the position he is in. “Twenty-five dollars,” the little boy replies. “TWENTY-FIVE DOLLARS?!” the man repeats incredulously, but complies to protect his hidden position.

    The following week, the lover is visiting the woman again when she hears a car in the driveway and, again, places her lover in the closet with her little boy. “It’s dark in here, isn’t it?” the boy starts off.

    “Yes it is,” replies the man.

    “Wanna buy a baseball glove?” the little boy asks.

    “OK. How much?” the hiding lover responds, acknowledging his disadvantage. “Fifty dollars,” the boy replies and the transaction is completed.

    The next weekend, the little boy’s father says, “Hey, son. Go get your ball and glove and we’ll play some catch.”

    “I can’t. I sold them,” replies the little boy.

    “How much did you get for them?” asks the father, expecting to hear the profit in terms of lizards and candy.

    “Seventy-five dollars,” the little boy says.

    “SEVENTY-FIVE DOLLARS?! That’s thievery! I’m taking you to the church right now. You must confess your sin and ask for forgiveness,” the father explains as he hauls the child away.

    At the church, the little boy goes into the confessional, draws the curtain, sits down, and says, “It’s dark in here, isn’t it?”

    “Don’t you start that shit in here now,” the priest says.

    Share:TwitterFacebookLinkedinRedditWhatsappEmail

  • And Any Weaknesses

    “I once farted so loud that everyone in the grocery store ducked.”

    Interviewer: “Ok… and any weaknesses?”

  • Youll Never Hit Her From Here

    Two guys were out playing golf.

    Dan stood over his tee shot for what seemed an eternity – looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and speed.

    Finally his exasperated friend Ken cried, “What’s taking so long? Hit the damn ball!”

    “My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot,” answered Dan.

    “Forget it, man,” said Ken. “You’ll never hit her from here.”

    Share:TwitterFacebookLinkedinRedditWhatsappEmail