Bait and switch joke delivery styles, punchline pacing, and comedy formats for people with specific chaos preferences from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
One night a wife found her husband standing over their newborn baby’s crib. Silently she watched him. As he stood looking down at the sleeping infant, she saw on his face a mixture of emotions: disbelief, doubt, delight, amazement, enchantment, skepticism. Touched by this unusual display and the deep emotions it aroused, with eyes glistening she slipped her arms around her husband.
“A penny for your thoughts,” she whispered in his ear.
“It’s amazing!” he replied. “I just can’t see how anybody can make a crib like that for only $46.50!”
A little girl runs out to the back-yard where her father is working, and asks him, “Daddy, what’s sex?”
So, her father sits her down, and tells her all about the birds and the bees. He tells her about conception, sexual intercourse, sperms and eggs etc…. He tells her about puberty, menstruation, erections, wet-dreams. He thinks, what the hell, and goes on to tell her the works.
He describes masturbation, rape, pedophilia, homosexuality, sex toys, etc., etc. The girl is somewhat awestruck with this sudden influx of bizarre new knowledge, and her father finally asks, “So what did you want to know about sex for?”
“Oh, mummy said lunch would be ready in a couple of secs…”
Delta Airlines introduced a special half-fare rate for wives accompanying their husbands on business trips.
Anticipating some valuable testimonials, the publicity department of the airline sent out letters to all the wives of businessmen who used the special rates, asking how they enjoyed their trip.
The results were mixed. On the positive side, 96% of the surveys were returned — by far the highest in the history of such surveys.
On the negative side, virtually all of the returned surveys contained only one short sentence: “What fucking trip???”
Teacher to Little Johnny: “You’re late again. What’s your excuse today, Johnny?”
LJ: “There was a man outside who lost a hundred dollar bill.”
Teacher: “Oh… so you were helping him find it? That’s very nice of you, Johnny.”
LJ: “Well, not really… I was standing on it.”
When it was finally her turn to take care of the elderly Father Sands, the novice Jenny was taken aside by the Mother Superior.
“I must warn you,” the older woman said, “that although Father Sands is old in body, he is young at heart. It is important that when you give him his bath, you never look below his waist. Otherwise, he will become very excited.”
With that, Jenny went to look after the aged priest. Later, sobbing, Jenny sought out the Mother Superior.
“Forgive me,” the novice said, “but when I was bathing Father Sands, I — I looked down. As you said, he became aroused.”
“And what happened?”
“I — I lay with him. He said that I would surely go to heaven if I let him put his key to the gates of St. Peter in my lock.”
“Why, that old bastard!” the Mother Superior fumed. “For years he’s been telling me it’s Gabriel’s trumpet!”
If your girlfriend starts smoking….
…slow down, and use a lubricant.
