Delivery Style: deadpan

Deadpan joke delivery styles, punchline pacing, and comedy formats for people with specific chaos preferences from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

If I were a woman, I’d want to be a lesbian so I could still be

If I were a woman, I’d want to be a lesbian so I could still be turned down by women I want to sleep with. Over the years I’ve gotten pretty good at handling that kind of rejection.
(Jilly G.) It finally dawned on me that I had a sex addiction

(Jilly G.) It finally dawned on me that I had a sex addiction when I found myself asking the pharmacist what I could use to treat penis calluses.
Another Easter, another weekend spent tied to some guy’s bed

Another Easter, another weekend spent tied to some guy’s bed performing oral.
I’d like to be crowned Ms. Filthy Ruminations. Instead of a

I’d like to be crowned Ms. Filthy Ruminations. Instead of a sash, I think I’d wear some crotchless panties and sparkly pasties. Now who do I bribe to get the title?
In retrospect, I shouldn’t have screamed and fled the room. I’m

In retrospect, I shouldn’t have screamed and fled the room. I’m pretty sure now that she wasn’t a cannibal after all and was probably just trying to be sexy when she said, “I want you inside me.”
I’m a pad gal, myself. Tampons are for pussies

I’m a pad gal, myself. Tampons are for pussies.
Sometimes when I’m in the shower, all hot, wet and naked,

Sometimes when I’m in the shower, all hot, wet and naked, soaping up my breasts and having fun with the showerhead, I try and think of ways to incorporate that scene into a filthy Rumination. Unfortunately, no luck so far.
There I was, twisted up in an erotic sexual pose, while at the

There I was, twisted up in an erotic sexual pose, while at the same time lamenting the deeds of my past and wondering what punishment I might have to suffer in the future. Alas, such is the paradox of my religion, the Karma Sutra.
“conditions in the time it takes to rub one out

“conditions in the time it takes to rub one out.”
(Phil Schwa) I always look at the positives, not the negatives.

(Phil Schwa) I always look at the positives, not the negatives. Today I’m grateful for the 99.9% of the time my anus knows the difference between a gas and another state of matter.