My wife thinks that TV is a big waste of time, but I just learned something that’s sure to change her mind: When buying a magic hat for the kid’s snowman, spring for the deluxe version that keeps the snowman from melting when the temperature goes above freezing.
Delivery Style: deadpan
Deadpan joke delivery styles, punchline pacing, and comedy formats for people with specific chaos preferences from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
-
Scientists Can Clone Sheep
I sleep better at night knowing that scientists can clone sheep.
-
Number One
Last night, my girlfriend told me that I’m her “number one.” That’s just great: Not only does she see another man, but I’m more numb than he is.
-
If At First You Don’t Succeed
If at first you don’t succeed, blackmail everyone who saw you fail. Unless what you failed at is blackmail — then you’ll have to go straight to murder.
-
Multiple Autobiographies
The cool thing about having multiple personality disorder is that you get to write a shitload of autobiographies!
-
The Space Program
If they ever start taking civilians into the space program, I’ll be the first to sign up. Not because I’m into science or exploring or stuff, but because I owe a lot of money to some really mean dudes in Jersey.
-
The Cola Wars
Call me embittered, but I lost a mother and two brothers to the Cola Wars, and I’ll be damned if I’m going to lose my pop!
-
The Meaning of Cheese
When I stop to think about the meaning of life, I sometimes sigh and wonder if perhaps there’s more to all this than just the delicious taste of cheese and cheese-based products.
