Delivery Style: deadpan

Deadpan joke delivery styles, punchline pacing, and comedy formats for people with specific chaos preferences from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • Parking fine

    A traffic cop went to the trouble of leaving a note under the wipers to let me know I’d positioned my car correctly…
    It said, “Parking fine.” So that was nice.

  • Professional Mourner

    Professional Mourner

    Professional Mourner

  • I can’t do anything about it

    The company I work for is knowingly making defective whistles.
    I can’t do anything about it.

  • I would appreciate it as a worm

    In my will, I’ve stated that I want my coffin to be made of aluminum foil and my body to be dipped in caramel and chocolate. I know that if I were someday reincarnated as a worm, I would appreciate it if someone had thought of that.

  • One of your snakes is digesting a rat

    The worst part about being Medusa wouldn’t be turning people to stone on sight, but rather the unavoidable bad-hair days when one of your snakes is digesting a rat.

  • Van Gogh Used Oil

    Van Gogh Used Oil

    Van Gogh Used Oil
  • Cocaine-Fueled Sharks

    Cocaine-Fueled Sharks

    Cocaine-Fueled Sharks

  • Stop pretending that I cared

    My wife stopped pretending to have orgasms years ago. That’s all right with me, though, because it allowed me to stop pretending that I cared.

  • Until somebody fixes my cable

    I’ve recently discovered how to unite gravity with the strong and weak nuclear forces and the electromagnetic force. This finally completes the much-sought-after Grand Unified Theory that confounded even Albert Einstein. But I’m not going to tell anybody what it is until somebody fixes my cable.

  • At least she’ll never be hungry

    I bet if an eagle’s daughter ever flew off with a buzzard, the eagle would react nobly and think, “Well, at least she’ll never be hungry.”