Deadpan Jokes, Memes & Dark Humor

We don’t want any kids

My wife and I have decided we don’t want any kids.

We’re going to tell them in the morning.

Everything was fine until the crabs arrived.

That’s when things started to go sideways.

I asked my North Korean friend how it was there.
He said he couldn’t complain.

A morgue worker died today.
But he’ll be back at work tomorrow.

I recently visited a U.S. state north of Texas and south of Kansas.
It wasn’t great… but it was OK.

I got a refrigerator for my wife today.
It was a good trade.

I got robbed today and called the police.
The cop asked if I had a description of the assailant.
I said, “Yeah, it’s pump number 5.”

My husband and I were happy for 20 years.
And then we met.

I’ll never forget my granddad’s last words to me before he died:
“Are you still holding the ladder?”