Delivery Style: dialogue

Dialogue joke delivery styles, punchline pacing, and comedy formats for people with specific chaos preferences from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • Two Blondes Walk Into a Bar

    A young man walks into a bar and notices two lovely young blond women sitting down. He approaches the bar tender and asks: “Excuse me could I’d like to buy those two ladies a couple of drinks.”

    But the bar tender gives him a funny look and answers, “I’m not so sure that is a good idea. You see they’re lesbians.”

    “Sorry Mr. Bartender, but I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

    And the bartender responded, “Why don’t you go over there and ask them?”

    So the young man walked over to the women and asked, “I hear you are lesbians, what does that mean?”

    And one answered politely, “We’ll we like to kiss, suck each others tits….”

    And the young man yells to the bar tender, “Hey get us three drinks here for us lesbians!”

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  • She Farted and Flew Out the Window

    Two elderly gentlemen, who had been without sex for several years, decided they needed to visit a whore house. When they arrived at the house, the Madame took one look at them and decided she wasn’t going to waste any of her girls on these two old men. So she used “blowup” dolls instead.

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    She put the dolls in each man’s room and left them to their business. After the two men were finished, they started for home and got to talking.

    The first man said, “I think the girl I had was dead. She never moved, talked or groaned… how was it for you?”

    The second man replied, “I think mine was a witch.”

    The first man asked, “How’s that?”

    “Well,” said the second man, “when I nibbled on her breast… she farted and flew out the window!”

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  • Dentist Appointment Comeback

    One night, as a couple lay down for bed, the husband gently taps his wife on the shoulder and starts rubbing her arm. The wife turns over and says “I’m sorry honey, I’ve got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh.”

    The husband, rejected, turns over and tries to sleep. A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again. This time he whispers in her ear, “Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?”

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  • Accountant’s Creative Job Title Consultation

    A woman walks into her accountant’s office and tells him that she needs to file her taxes. The accountant says, “Before we begin, I’ll need to ask a few questions.”

    He gets her name, address, social security number, etc. and then asks, “What is your occupation?”

    The woman replies, “I’m a whore.”

    The accountant balks and says, “No, no, no. That will never work. That is much too crass. Let’s try to rephrase that.”

    The woman, “Ok, I’m a prostitute.”

    “No, that is still too crude. Try again.”

    They both think for a minute, then the woman states, “I’m a chicken farmer.”

    The accountant asks, “What does chicken farming have to do with being a whore or a prostitute?”

    “Well, I raised over 5,000 cocks last year.”

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  • Beerfuck Meets Carmen at the Bar

    So this fella spots a nice looking gal in a bar goes up and starts small talk. Seeing that she didn’t back off he asked her name.

    “Carmen,” she replied.

    “That’s a nice name,” he said warming up the conversation, “Who named you, your mother?”

    “No, I named myself,” she answered.

    “Oh, that’s interesting, why Carmen?”

    “Because I like cars, and I like men,” she said looking directly into his eyes. “What’s your name?”

    “Beerfuck!”

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  • Doctor, It Only Hurts When I Masturbate

    A man goes to the doctors and says “Doc, you gotta help me!”

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    The doctor says “What’s your problem?”

    The guy says every morning I wake up with my “morning flagpole”.. give the missus a quick one, then go to work. On the way to work I car pool with the next door neighbor’s wife who gives me a blow job during the ride to work.. Once I get to work I do some work and at morning tea time I go into the photocopy room and have it off with one of the young office girls. At lunch I take my secretary out to a hotel and give her a good bonking… For afternoon tea I give the boss’s wife a good servicing.. I then go home and slip the maid a few inches.. Then at night I give the missus another screw……

    “Well” said the doctor. “What’s your problem?”

    The guy says “Well, it hurts when I masturbate.”

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  • The Curious Barber and the Lawn Boy

    A middle aged guy, tired of mowing the lawn, finally breaks down and hires a neighbourhood kid to do the job for him.

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    One weekend, the husband is in the bathroom shaving, when Bubba, a kid from around the neighbourhood, comes in after having mowed the lawn for him, and proceeds to pee in the toilet.

    Bubba was rather well endowed and curiosity got the best of the husband and he just had to look. Sure enough, Bubba had the largest penis he had ever seen!!!

    The man asked Bubba, “I don’t mean to be too personal, but how did your dick get that big? I couldn’t help but notice…”

    Bubba laughed and said, “It’s simple, every night before I go to bed, I bang it on the bedpost three times.”

    The husband was excited at the simplicity of this technique and could hardly wait to try it himself. Before he climbed into bed that night, he whipped it out and banged it on the bedpost three times.

    He was just climbing into bed with newfound confidence when his wife sat up, half-asleep and rubbing her eyes, and said, “Is that you, Bubba?”

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  • Condom Math Gone Wrong

    A young couple with a box of condoms proceeded to do the wild thing. When they were finished, she discovered that there were only six condoms remaining in the box of 12, so she asked him, “What happened to the other five condoms?”

    His nervous reply was, “Er, I masturbated with them.”

    Later, she then approached her male confidant friend, told him the story, and then asked him, “Have you ever done that?”

    “Yeah, once or twice,” he told her.

    “You mean you’ve actually masturbated with a condom before?” she asked.

    “Oh,” he said, “I thought you were asking if I’d ever lied to my girlfriend.”

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  • Russian Condom Crisis Gets American Solution

    Gorbachev called Clinton with an emergency: “Our largest condom factory has exploded!” the Russian President cried. “My people’s favorite form of birth control! This is a true disaster!”

    “Mikhael, the American people would be happy to do anything within their power to help you,” replied the President.

    “I do need your help,” said Gorbachev. “Could you possibly send 1,000,000 condoms ASAP to tide us over?”

    “Why certainly! I’ll get right on it!” said Clinton.

    “Oh, and one more small favor, please?”

    “Yes?” “Could the condoms be red in color and at least 10″ long and 4″ in diameter?”

    “No problem,” replied the President and, with that, Clinton hung up and called the President of Trojan.

    “I need a favor, you’ve got to make 1,000,000 condoms right away and send them to Russia.”

    “Consider it done,” said the President of Trojan.

    “Great! Now listen, they have to be red in color, 10″ long and 4″ wide.”

    “Easily done. Anything else?”

    “Yeah,” said the President, “print ‘MADE IN AMERICA, SIZE MEDIUM’ on each one.”

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  • Best Friend’s Cat Confusion

    Jim was in bed with his best friend’s wife. Just as things were reaching a climax, he suddenly stopped and sat on the edge of the bed, holding his head in his hands. “What the hell’s wrong with you?” she asked.

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    “I feel just like a regular son of a bitch, getting some of my best friend’s pussy,” Jim moaned.

    “Well,” she soothed, patting his back, “you can stop worrying. You’re not getting his pussy. His pussy is five inches deeper.”

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