I saw a guy carrying a screaming toddler across the parking lot.
He noticed me looking at him and said, “He’s mine. I’m not stealing him or anything.”
Before I could reply, he added, “If I was gonna take one, it definitely wouldn’t be this asshole.”
Delivery Style: observational
Observational joke delivery styles, punchline pacing, and comedy formats for people with specific chaos preferences from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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Well, that didn’t work
My wife and I were discussing our eventual deaths…
I said my worst fear was dying alone, and that I wanted the last thing I hear to be her telling me she loves me.
She gave me a big hug, said, “I love you,” and then waited.
After a couple of seconds, she shook her head and said, “Well, that didn’t work.”
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It was OK
I recently visited a U.S. state north of Texas and south of Kansas.
It wasn’t great… but it was OK. -
When Poetry Fails: Johnny’s Unique Strategy
Little Johnny was in school and his English teacher had the students write short poems.
When everyone was done, she asked the students to read them for the class.
Little Jeremy: “I took a walk down by the lake and there I saw a long brown snake.”
Very good Jeremy!
Little Susie: “My oh my! I looked to the sky, and there I saw a butterfly.”
Very good Susie!
Little Johnny: “I couldn’t think of one.”
Teacher. “You go out in the hall and let me know once you do!”
Little Johnny goes and sits in the hall. He’s looking around and figures one out.
He jestures to the teacher who comes and asks him what his poem is.
“As I sat out in the hall, a big cockroach ran up the wall.”
The teacher wasn’t pleased, because she knew Johnny just loved slipping in curse words, but said “Ok, but leave cock out of it.”
Little Johnny comes back in front of the class and reads his poem:
“As I sat out in the hall, I saw a roach run up the wall. With his cock out!”
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Common Sense: The Deodorant of Wisdom
Common sense is like deodorant… the people who need it most never use it.
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Anatomy Class: A Taste for the Unusual
Some first-year medical students were attending their first anatomy class.
They gathered around a table where a real dead body had been placed for study. The professor began by telling them that every good doctor must have two important qualities.
“The first,” he said, “is that a doctor must never be disgusted by anything in the human body.”
To demonstrate, he inserted his finger into the dead body’s anus, then put the finger in his mouth and tasted it. He then asked the students to repeat what he had done.
The students were shocked and hesitated for several minutes, but eventually, one by one, they did the same thing. Each of them inserted a finger into the body’s anus and then tasted it.
When everyone had finished, they stood there frowning and looking uncomfortable.
The professor looked at them and smiled. “The second most important quality of a doctor,” he said, “is observation.”
“I inserted my middle finger,” he continued, “but I tasted my index finger.”
