One Liner Jokes, Memes & Dark Humor

Paddy O’Furniture: The All-Nighter Legend!

Did you hear the one about the Irishman that stayed out all night?
Paddy O’Furniture!

I had a fling with a lady janitor, she was always stoned so I had to break it off with her…
I’m just not into high maintenance women!

I was going to tell a dead baby joke, but I decided to abort.

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off?
He’s all right now.

A steak pun is a rare medium well done.

Why can’t a bicycle stand on its own?
It’s two-tired.

My wife took everything from me in the divorce. Including my expensive shoes.
She has sole custody.

A woman is accused of beating her husband half to death with his guitar collection.

The judge looks down at her and asks, “First offender?”

The woman replies, “nope, first a Martin, then a Gibson, then a Fender.”

My father ran the marathon but my mother ran the 100 meter dash so I grew up with mixed race parents.

I just bought a new blindfold, but I can’t see myself wearing it.