Delivery Style: One-liner

One-liner joke delivery styles, punchline pacing, and comedy formats for people with specific chaos preferences from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

I was all excited when I joined the neighborhood watch group, but it didn’t last long.

I was all excited when I joined the neighborhood watch group, but it didn’t last long. Apparently, they’ve got some weird policy against knocking on doors and demanding protection money.
Nothing is as wonderful as a clear summer day, especially if that day includes some

Nothing is as wonderful as a clear summer day, especially if that day includes some heavy boozing and hooking up with a hot supermodel.
I figure I’d better get started smoking now.

I figure I’d better get started smoking now. Otherwise in a few years my son might bring home from pre-school a crappy clay-and-elbow-macaroni DVD player.
If I ever became a hooker, I’d charge by the inch.

If I ever became a hooker, I’d charge by the inch.
*Strangling* fish in a barrel, although not as easy, is ultimately more satisfying.

*Strangling* fish in a barrel, although not as easy, is ultimately more satisfying.
Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day.

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Frame a man for murder and the state will feed him every day for 25-to-life.
I had the surprise of my life last Sunday when I opened Mom’s refrigerator, took out a

I had the surprise of my life last Sunday when I opened Mom’s refrigerator, took out a Cool Whip container and found it actually contained Cool Whip.
I expect that the Afghan women hardest hit by Taliban rule were Afghan women mimes.

I expect that the Afghan women hardest hit by Taliban rule were Afghan women mimes. Not only were they forced to wear burqas, but they weren’t allowed to speak about it — and they *still* can’t speak about it, pretty much by definition.
My pet bird loves to eat worms, but every day, she drops one in her water dish.

My pet bird loves to eat worms, but every day, she drops one in her water dish. I’m beginning to wonder if it’s her way of asking me for tequila.
I think kids appreciate it when adults actually treat them like people.

I think kids appreciate it when adults actually treat them like people. Little, stupid people who cry a lot.