Proof of the astounding ability of human beings to deceive ourselves is our refusal to think about what the chewed-up food in our mouth looks like right before we swallow it.
Delivery Style: One-liner
One-liner joke delivery styles, punchline pacing, and comedy formats for people with specific chaos preferences from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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One of the worst things about being in a fantasy football league is trying to explain to
One of the worst things about being in a fantasy football league is trying to explain to your wife why she overheard you call another guy a “fantasy stud.”
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If it’s so damned all-loving, why doesn’t the Light get off its lazy ass and come down
If it’s so damned all-loving, why doesn’t the Light get off its lazy ass and come down the tunnel to see *us*?!?
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Why did the chicken cross the road?
Why did the chicken cross the road? Probably to get to the john in the Audi with $20 and a penchant for things like that.
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Don’t think of it as losing your virginity; think of it as gaining a free ride home on
Don’t think of it as losing your virginity; think of it as gaining a free ride home on the back of a motorcycle.
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Memo to self: Stop addressing little notes as “Memo to Self.”
Memo to self: Stop addressing little notes as “Memo to Self.” It’s not necessary and wastes time, as you’re in all likelihood able to recognize your own handwriting.
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I tried making Grandpa’s funeral fun by having him dressed in a clown suit.
I tried making Grandpa’s funeral fun by having him dressed in a clown suit. Nobody appreciated it, though. Was it his oversized shoes, his flower that squirted water at the mourners, or my constantly beeping that big, irresistible red nose that caused such a disturbance?
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I have a very mild form of bulimia.
I have a very mild form of bulimia. After a big meal, I often sneak off by myself and intentionally drool a lot.
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After the ear-piercing shrieking, curse-laden insults and vicious personal attack, I
After the ear-piercing shrieking, curse-laden insults and vicious personal attack, I realized too late that I had mistakenly ordered a Harpy Meal.
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What I like best about being a dad is no longer being the initial suspect when the room
What I like best about being a dad is no longer being the initial suspect when the room smells like poo.
