Delivery Style: One-liner

One-liner joke delivery styles, punchline pacing, and comedy formats for people with specific chaos preferences from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

I was invited to join a flash mob recently at a local mall.

I was invited to join a flash mob recently at a local mall. I guess I misunderstood the entire concept, but I’m just grateful they never asked me to take off my trench coat.
For a while I thought I was bisexual, but only because I tend to get “bi” and “semi”

For a while I thought I was bisexual, but only because I tend to get “bi” and “semi” mixed up.
It just makes sense: If you’re ever in plane crash in the Andes, eat the vegetarians

It just makes sense: If you’re ever in plane crash in the Andes, eat the vegetarians first.
I’d like to teach the world to sing.

I’d like to teach the world to sing. Then maybe we can avoid those atrocious first few weeks of “American Idol.”
I hate music producers.

I hate music producers. Auto-Tuning a good vocalist is like Photoshopping the freckles off a redhead’s breasts.
The problem with having a crush on a fortune teller is you never get a first chance to

The problem with having a crush on a fortune teller is you never get a first chance to make a first impression.
I’d love to go back in time and show my younger self these nifty iPods, laptops and

I’d love to go back in time and show my younger self these nifty iPods, laptops and smart phones. Not so the younger me could invest and make a ton of money, but because such a thing would totally freak out that nerdy dweeb.
Mauve isn’t a color in the National Terrorism Advisory System — mauve is terror itself.

Mauve isn’t a color in the National Terrorism Advisory System — mauve is terror itself.
I was visited by three ghosts this Christmas.

I was visited by three ghosts this Christmas. They were family members I hate, and technically they were all still alive — I just find it comforting to imagine them as already deceased.
To save money, our town council subcontracted police services to circus clowns.

To save money, our town council subcontracted police services to circus clowns. The good news is that when they go on patrol, they can get like 20 cops in a car. The bad: Their pepper spray canisters shoot silly string.