Sometimes life just hands you lemons. Other times life throws stones at your glass house, too, because life can be kind of a dick when it drinks.
Delivery Style: One-liner
One-liner joke delivery styles, punchline pacing, and comedy formats for people with specific chaos preferences from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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The coolest part about discovering the stripper was color-blind was being able to “make
The coolest part about discovering the stripper was color-blind was being able to “make it rain” using Monopoly money.
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Lately, I’ve come to realize that I’m ready to have children.
Lately, I’ve come to realize that I’m ready to have children. Not because I want a family, but because “stay-at-home dad” sounds so much better than “lazy, good-for-nothing, unemployed husband.”
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In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man may be king, but the blind guy with the
In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man may be king, but the blind guy with the 12-inch weiner is still more popular at parties.
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Whenever people say “If you’re going to move to a new country, learn the language!”
Whenever people say “If you’re going to move to a new country, learn the language!” I just stay quiet. I would say something, but I don’t know the Cherokee word for “irony.”
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I hate to see my teenaged daughter so crazy about the hot guy in her school, throwing
I hate to see my teenaged daughter so crazy about the hot guy in her school, throwing herself at him and making a point of being around him as much as possible and over-flirting in the hope that it’ll make him like her more. Guys can smell that desperation and will run in the opposite direction. Besides, *I* want him.
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Once you’ve been a Very Special Guest, I’ll bet being a Special Guest feels like a total
Once you’ve been a Very Special Guest, I’ll bet being a Special Guest feels like a total slap in the face.
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I’m not sure if it’s my singing voice, choice of music, or what, but my new “Singing
I’m not sure if it’s my singing voice, choice of music, or what, but my new “Singing Mammogram” business hasn’t been nearly as successful as I had hoped.
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Parents don’t seem to like it when you lean in close, gesture toward the child sitting
Parents don’t seem to like it when you lean in close, gesture toward the child sitting in their grocery cart and whisper, “They sell those here?”
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I think *every* day should be “National Awareness Day” Awareness Day.
I think *every* day should be “National Awareness Day” Awareness Day.
