One reason I like Halloween so much is that I really get off on the genuinely horrified reaction from kids with my “sawing off my forearm with an electric carving knife” shtick — at least until I pass out from the voluminous loss of blood and all.
Delivery Style: One-liner
One-liner joke delivery styles, punchline pacing, and comedy formats for people with specific chaos preferences from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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How do you know the Pinterest website is targeted at women and not men?
How do you know the Pinterest website is targeted at women and not men? Because it isn’t called Pornterest.
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My girlfriend and I decided to introduce a little role-playing in the bedroom to spice
My girlfriend and I decided to introduce a little role-playing in the bedroom to spice things up a bit. Last night I was Forrest Gump and she was Larry the Cable Guy.
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Okay, dog, here’s the deal: I’ll teach you how to use a can opener, and you teach me how
Okay, dog, here’s the deal: I’ll teach you how to use a can opener, and you teach me how to lick my balls. /@rmfnord
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Talk about dedication to one’s craft: The Mayor of Toronto is a foul-mouthed, drunken
Talk about dedication to one’s craft: The Mayor of Toronto is a foul-mouthed, drunken crack smoker accused of sexual harassment — yet Justin Bieber STILL manages to be the most hated Canadian ever.
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Took the kids up to Nantucket one weekend for the Limerick Festival.
Took the kids up to Nantucket one weekend for the Limerick Festival. Boy, was that a mistake.
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If I were Dan Snyder, I’d change the name of my football team to the Washington Girly
If I were Dan Snyder, I’d change the name of my football team to the Washington Girly Red Skunks. There, beyotches! Now it’s offensive!
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You might think your kids hate bath time, but I guarantee you don’t have it half as bad
You might think your kids hate bath time, but I guarantee you don’t have it half as bad as the Wicked Witch of the West’s parents did. R.M. Weinter/@rmfnord
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The hardest thing about the holidays is having to listen while Santa has sex with my wife.
The hardest thing about the holidays is having to listen while Santa has sex with my wife. Sure, you might think it’s just some guy in a Santa suit, but I know it’s really Santa because he always gives me a bottle of vodka with a bow on it after he’s done.
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The cool thing about religion is that when you need a better God, nobody’s stopping you
The cool thing about religion is that when you need a better God, nobody’s stopping you from making one up. /@b0nrmunky
