Delivery Style: One-liner

One-liner joke delivery styles, punchline pacing, and comedy formats for people with specific chaos preferences from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

I wish I could have predicted this boom in the smartphone market before I went and

I wish I could have predicted this boom in the smartphone market before I went and earned my degree in phone tree engineering.
Sometimes I wonder whatever happened to that boy I used to date in school.

Sometimes I wonder whatever happened to that boy I used to date in school. Then I remember moving the body and weighing it down with cinder blocks so it would never come to the surface.
Have you ever noticed that Jack Black and Jack White are never seen in the same room

Have you ever noticed that Jack Black and Jack White are never seen in the same room together? No? RACIST!!!
There should be a designated person in the hospital who slaps you really hard and makes

There should be a designated person in the hospital who slaps you really hard and makes you rename your kid if you choose a name that will get his ass kicked in school. Los Angeles hospitals will need a few dozen of these people.
Growing up, I loved learning about outer space.

Growing up, I loved learning about outer space. When my idiot parents then suggested I should study to become a cosmetologist, I laughed in their faces. Like I’d be content to be an expert on *just* cosmets — how lame!
I’d imagine that in those jungle cultures where people subsist on bugs, it would make

I’d imagine that in those jungle cultures where people subsist on bugs, it would make sense to have at least a “30-second rule” if you were to drop your lunch on the ground.
I’ll bet nothing pisses off Antarctic substation scientists more than when food rations

I’ll bet nothing pisses off Antarctic substation scientists more than when food rations arrive bearing instructions to “thaw at room temperature.”
For what it’s worth, *my* version of the “ice bucket challenge” involved me taping $10

For what it’s worth, *my* version of the “ice bucket challenge” involved me taping $10 and a brick to the inside of an ice bucket and hurling it from the 10th floor of an Embassy Suites, seeing how many folks grazing at the free breakfast buffet I could hit. Unfortunately, the Lord Censors of Facebook felt my video wasn’t obnoxious *enough*, apparently.
I once had a “brush with greatness” when I met the girl that posed for those truck

I once had a “brush with greatness” when I met the girl that posed for those truck mudflap silhouettes. I wasn’t sure it was her at first, until she turned sideways.
The doctor says I’m allergic to artificial flowers.

The doctor says I’m allergic to artificial flowers. I asked him for a cure and he prescribed me a placebo.