I miss the holidays. It’s the only time of year when you can get away with telling people that the stain on your dress is really eggnog.
Delivery Style: One-liner
One-liner joke delivery styles, punchline pacing, and comedy formats for people with specific chaos preferences from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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Stationery Bike
To get into better shape, I treated myself to a new piece of exercise equipment. It looks real pretty with my name and address on it, but the paper cuts are killing me. I guess I should have done more research before getting a stationery bike.
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Glass Houses
Remember: People who live in glass houses can see you masturbating in their bushes.
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The Honesty’s Too Much
Sometimes when we touch, the honesty’s too much — ’cause you’ve put on quite a few pounds, there, baby.
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External Combustion Engine
I wonder how many limbs the guys who invented the external combustion engine lost before they decided to go with the internal idea.
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Folgers Crystals for the Blood Bank
I’ve been saving up all my picked-off scabs in little bags, just in case the local blood bank needs some Folgers crystals.
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Selling Me a Bridge
My dentist must think I’m incredibly gullible; he keeps trying to sell me a bridge.
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Where I Draw the Line
I do a lot of illegal things…
But graffiti is where I draw the line.
