Delivery Style: Punchline

Punchline joke delivery styles, punchline pacing, and comedy formats for people with specific chaos preferences from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • My Girlfriend’s Vagina Smells Like Roses

    Bob tells his buddy, “My girlfriend’s vagina smells like roses!”

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    His buddy says, “That’s incredible! You’re really lucky.”

    And Bob says, “Yeah, but Rose has bigger tits.”

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  • Superman’s Superspeed Rooftop Encounter

    Superman is flying over Metropolis on a hot summer day, coming home from a mission.

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    Suddenly in the distance he sees Wonder Woman sunbathing on a rooftop, completely nude. Superman thinks: “Man, she is so hot. I can fly down, fuck her with superspeed, and be back home with Lois in a few seconds without anyone noticing.”

    So he speeds down there, does as planned and Wonder Woman only feels a rapid gush of wind and the building shaking.

    “What on earth was that”, she stumbles.

    The Invisible Man replies: “Fuck, I have no idea, but my ass suddenly hurts like hell!”

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  • Global Warming Icebreaker

    If you are meeting a new group of people and don’t know what to talk about, try mentioning Global Warming.

    It’s a huge Icebreaker.

  • Two Medical Students Diagnose an Old Man Walking Stiff-Legged

    Two medical students were walking along the street when they saw an old man walking with his legs spread apart.

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    He was stiff-legged and walking slowly.

    One student said to his friend: “I’m sure that poor old man has Peltry Syndrome. Those people walk just like that.”

    The other student says: “No, I don’t think so. The old man surely has Zovitzki Syndrome. He walks slowly and his legs are apart, just as we learned in class.”

    Since they couldn’t agree they decided to ask the old man. They approached him and one of the students said to him, “We’re medical students and couldn’t help but notice the way you walk, but we couldn’t agree on the syndrome you might have. Could you tell us what it is?”

    The old man said, “I’ll tell you, but first you tell me what you two fine medical students think.”

    The first student said, “I think it’s Peltry Syndrome.”

    The old man said, “You thought — but you are wrong.”

    The other student said, “I think you have Zovitzki Syndrome.”

    The old man said, “You thought — but you are wrong.”

    So they asked him, “Well, old timer, what do you have?”

    The old man said, “I thought it was gas — but I was wrong, too!”

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  • The Rolls Royce Key Fob Trick

    Two guys are sitting in a bar. One says to the other, “Every time I see you in here you walk out with a different girl. What’s your secret?”

    The first guy replies, “It’s really easy. As soon as I walk into the bar, I casually toss my Rolls Royce keys onto the bar and the gals practically throw themselves at me.”

    The second says, “Wow, you’ve got a Rolls Royce?”

    The first guy replies, “No, I’m just as poor as you. I bought this Rolls Royce key fob on Amazon for $30 and the ladies are none the wiser.”

    So, the other guy goes on Amazon and buys the exact same key fob. He then goes to various bars with no luck whatsoever.

    A few weeks later, he runs into the guy again. He tells him, “Your key fob trick is bogus, I went to at least 20 bars, no lady looked at me twice, please take this bad luck charm off my hands.”

    The first guy says, “Maybe it would work better if you took off your bicycle helmet first!”

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  • The Seeing-Eye Chihuahua

    A man goes to a bar with his dog. He goes up to the bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says “You can’t bring that dog in here!”

    The guy, without missing a beat, says “This is my seeing-eye dog.” “Oh man,” the bartender says, “I’m sorry, here, the first one’s on me.” The man takes his drink and goes to a table near the door.

    Another guy walks in the bar with a Chihuahua. The first guy sees him, stops him and says “You can’t bring that dog in here unless you tell him it’s a seeing-eye dog.”

    The second man graciously thanks the first man and continues to the bar. He asks for a drink.

    The bartender says “Hey, you can’t bring that dog in here!”

    The second man replies “This is my seeing-eye dog.”

    The bartender says, “No, I don’t think so. They do not have Chihuahuas as seeing-eye dogs.”

    The man pauses for a half-second and replies “What?!?! They gave me a Chihuahua?!?”

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  • Harolds First Day in the Carpool

    It was Harold’s first day in the carpool.

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    The guys honked the horn in front of his house and he came running out.

    He got about halfway down the walk when he heard a grunt and the sound of his wife’s foot tapping on the porch.

    He turned around and there she was, scowling at him.

    He ran back to the steps, spread her bathrobe, bent over, kissed her downstairs, ran back down the walk and hopped in the car.

    The guys rode in silence for a few minutes until the driver couldn’t stand it anymore and he asked, “Harold, it’s none of my business, but why’d you kiss her down there?”

    Harold replied, “You wouldn’t believe her breath in the morning.”

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  • The Sham Rock

    My boyfriend bought me a diamond ring…

    The stone was cut in the shape of a four-leaf clover.

    I wore it all the time to show how much it meant to me.

    One day, I got curious and had it valued at a jeweller’s.

    Unfortunately, they told me that my boyfriend had been swindled, as the diamond was actually a cubic zirconia.

    It was a sham rock.

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  • Baggage

    At the airport, a man handed over three suitcases.

    “One to LA, one to Boston, and one to Orlando.”

    The check-in agent said, “Sir, we can’t split up your luggage like that.”

    He said, “Why not? You managed it perfectly on my last flight.”

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  • A Corvette and a Dead Hooker

    What’s the difference between a Corvette and a dead hooker?

    I don’t have a Corvette in my garage.