My doctor told me I’m at an age where I need a colonoscopy annually.
I’m a bit worried. He’s a doctor and should know it’s pronounced anally.
Delivery Style: setup-punchline
Setup-punchline joke delivery styles, punchline pacing, and comedy formats for people with specific chaos preferences from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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The Unused Christmas Gift
At Christmas, a man just opened presents from his mother-in-law and she asks, “Where’s mine?”
He says, “I didn’t get you anything this year.”
Visibly upset, she asks why.
He says, “You never used what I got you last year.”
She yelled, “IT WAS A BURIAL PLOT!”
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The Slow Foursome on the Golf Course
A priest, a doctor, and a golfer are waiting at a tee while a painfully slow group plays ahead of them.
After watching them take forever, the golfer finally explodes:
“What is wrong with these guys?! They’re terrible!”
The caddy nearby says,
“Oh, you didn’t hear? That group is made up of firefighters who lost their sight saving people from a burning building. They play once a week.”
The priest bows his head and says,
“That’s so tragic… I’ll say a prayer for them tonight.”
The doctor says,
“I know a specialist who might be able to help restore some vision.”
The golfer pauses, then says…
“Why can’t they just play at night?”
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The Italian Souvenir
A woman has to go to Italy for a conference, so her husband drives her to the airport.
“Thank you, honey,” she says. “Is there anything I can bring back for you?” He laughs and says, “An Italian girl.”
When the conference is over, he meets her at the airport and asks, “How was the trip?”
“Very good,” she replies.
“And what happened to my present?” he asks.
Confused, she replies, “Which present?”
“The one I asked for, the Italian girl,” he answers.
With a sly grin, she replies, “Oh, that. I did what I could, but we’ll just have to wait nine months to see if it’s a girl.”
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The Doctor’s Good News
A guy’s mother-in-law comes to live with him…
One day he comes home to find her passed out on the floor. He calls 911, the paramedics come and pick her up and take her to the hospital.
The guy goes to the hospital and is in the waiting room when the doctor comes out.
The doctor says, “Well, I have some good news and some bad news.”
The guy says, “Alright, give me the bad news first.”
The doctor says, “Your mother-in-law is not going to die. She had a massive stroke, but she is probably going to live another 20-30 years. The problem is the stroke has rendered her unable to speak. She just makes this horrible screeching noise like a parrot now. It has also disabled her ability to use her arms. For the next 20-30 years you are going to have to feed her baby food 3 times a day. Also, it’s made her incontinent, so you’re going to have to change her diapers and clean her up every single day for the next 20-30 years.”
“Oh my gosh,” the guy said. “What’s the good news?”
The doctor chuckles and goes, “I’m just kidding with you… she died.”
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The Husband Who Cried the Most
A bus full of housewives on a picnic trip tragically veered off a bridge and fell into a river. All the wives passed away…
Each husband cried for a week, except for one, who kept crying for more than two weeks!
When asked why he was so devastated, he replied miserably: “My wife missed the bus!”
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The Clocks in Heaven
A man died, went to Heaven and met Jesus.
While Jesus was showing him round, the man spotted a broken clock.
“What’s that, then?” he asked.
Jesus said, “That’s Mother Teresa’s clock. It has never moved because she has never lied.”
“Just over here is Abraham Lincoln’s clock. He lied twice, so it has moved twice.”
“Where is Donald Trump’s clock?” asked the man.
Jesus smiled. “It’s in my office, I’m using it as a ceiling fan.”
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The German at McDonald’s
A German man walks into a McDonald’s in the United States…
After waiting in line, he finally gets to the counter, and he orders a pint of beer, because you can get beer at McDonald’s in Germany.
An American customer overhears the man’s order, and he approaches the German man and says, “How could you be so stupid? You cannot order beer here.” while laughing at the German man right to his face.
The German man thinks for a second and then he starts laughing uncontrollably. Not just any laugh. This is a laugh so intense that he is struggling not to fall over.
The American customer is no longer laughing. He now has a puzzled look on his face. He asks the German man, “What’s so funny?”
The German man says, “I just realised that you came here for the food.”
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The Teen and the Exam Excuse
A smart-mouthed teen at the back of the class raised his hand and asked…
“Miss, what would happen if I came in tomorrow suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?”
The entire class broke out in laughter and snickering. When silence was restored, the teacher smiled at the student, shook her head, and sweetly said… “Well, I would expect you to write the exam with your other hand.”
