I used to be flattered when gay men hit on me. But then I remembered gay men are men, too, like me. Yesterday I put my dick in a tree stump.
Delivery Style: unexpected twist
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My gang name is The Toaster, cuz if you stab a fork in me, I
My gang name is The Toaster, cuz if you stab a fork in me, I will fuck you up. Also, I can lightly brown a bagel like a motherfucker.
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You saw 9/11 coming? I gave 9/11 the handjob, and you weren’t
You saw 9/11 coming? I gave 9/11 the handjob, and you weren’t even in the room!
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Most people don’t know Santa Claus has a half brother, Ralph
Most people don’t know Santa Claus has a half brother, Ralph Claus, who brings heart-beating-through-yourasshole hangovers on December 26th.
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Fatherly Bubble
Nothing can burst your fatherly bubble faster than hearing your daughter come home from a date and saying, “Some nights I don’t know why I even bother to wear panties.”
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How much younger she looks
Today I gave the hospital permission to youthanize my grandma. I can’t wait to see how much younger she looks!
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Nothing to stop Aunt Bea and me
I shot the sheriff and the deputy.
Now there’s nothing to stop Aunt Bea and me from being together! -
The Deer
I told my daughter that I saw a deer on the way to work this morning. She asked me…
“How do you know it was on its way to work?”
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Helen Keller’s Swing Set
Did you know that Helen Keller had a swing set?
You didn’t know? Neither did she.
