Wordplay Jokes, Memes & Dark Humor

Home Depot Date Night See A Hole Fill A Hole

My father was an officer in the Army but he never showered.

He wanted to maintain his rank.

I asked the hot dog seller, “Can I get a jumbo sausage?”

He said, “Sure, won’t be long.”

I said, “In that case, can I have two?”

My dad just finished making a model of Mount Everest.

I asked him if it was to scale… He said, “No, it’s to look at.”

My friend said his favorite Star Wars quote was, “Aargh Luke, ye scurvy dog, I be yer father.”

I think he got a pirated copy.

And Jesus said unto his disciples, “Come forth, and you shall receive everlasting life…”

But John came fifth and received a set of steak knives.

Peter came last and had to eat the biscuit.

I’ve just been pulled over by a police officer. He saw my license and said I’m supposed to be wearing glasses. I said I have contacts.

He said he didn’t care who I knew.

What did Earth say to the other planets?

Wow, you guys have no life.