Dialogue comedy formats, jokes, memes, and punchlines organized for easier doom-scrolling from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
Coming to the end of an initial assessment, the psychiatrist asks his new patient, “Okay, habits. Do you drink?”
The patient says, “No.”
“Smoke?”
“No.”
“Do drugs?”
“No.”
“Cheat on your wife?”
“Never.”
“Amazing,” says the shrink. “Any bad habits at all?”
And the patient says, “Lying.”
So anyway this hillbilly took his girl up to lovers peak. They sat down on a log. After a bit Judi says to Jon, “Aren’t the stars purty tonite?”
Jon says “Sure is Judi”.
Judi says “Jon, aren’t the moon purty tonite”.
Jon says “Sure is Judi”.
After a bit Judi says, “Jon, whisper something soft and mushy in my ear”.
So Jon leans over and whispers “Shit”.
The Louisiana State Police received reports of illegal cock fights being held in the area around LaFayette, and duly dispatched the infamous detective Desormeaux to investigate.
He reported to his sergeant the next morning.
“Dey is tree main groups in dis cock fightin’” he began.
“Good work. Who are they?” the sergeant asked.
Desormeaux replied confidently, “De Aggies, de Cajuns, and de Mafia.”
Puzzled, the sergeant asked, “How did you find that out in one night?”
“Well,” he replied, “I went down and done seen dat cock fight. I knowed the Aggies was involved when a duck was entered in the fight.”
The sergeant nodded, “I’ll buy that. But what about the others?”
Desormeaux intoned knowingly, “Well, I knowed de Cajuns was involved when summbody bet on de duck.”
“Ah,” sighed the sergeant, “And how did you deduce the Mafia was involved?”
“De duck won.”
An Irishman, a Mexican and a redneck were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building. They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, “Corned beef and cabbage. If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch I’m going to jump off this building.”
The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, “Burritos again. If I get burritos one more time I’m going to jump off, too.”
The redneck opened his lunch and said, “Bologna again. If I get a bologna sandwich one more time I’m jumping too.”
Next day — the Irishman opens his lunch box, sees corned beef and cabbage and jumps to his death.
The Mexican opens his lunch, sees a burrito and jumps too.
The redneck opens his lunch, sees the bologna and jumps to his death also.
At the funeral — The Irishman’s wife is weeping. She says, “If I’d known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage I never would have given it to him again.”
The Mexican’s wife also weeps and says, “I could have given him tacos or enchiladas. I didn’t realize he hated burritos so much.”
Everyone turned and stared at the redneck’s wife. “Hey, don’t look at me,” she said, “He makes his own lunch.”
At the end of the workday, one cowboy tells another, “That new bull nearly did me in today, pard.”
“Oh yeah, what happened?”
“I was putting out the feed, when the sucker came charging at me like a locomotive from hell. Damn near got me!”
“So, how’d you get away?”
“The bull kept slipping. He slipped three times, and that gave me a chance to make the fence and jump over.”
“Man, that’s scary. If it’d been me, I’d probably have shit all over the place.”
“What do you think that bull was slipping in?”
