Rodney Lacroix @RodLacroix
Child: The Tooth Fairy left me three dollars!
Me: When I was a kid the Tooth Fairy would leave us coins.
Child: Were they made of wood?
Me:
Child:
Me: The Tooth Fairy isn’t real.
5:36 AM · 7/26/20 · Twitter for iPad
Format: dialogue
Dialogue comedy formats, jokes, memes, and punchlines organized for easier doom-scrolling from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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Constipation Movie Carl
CARL, HAVE YOU HEARD ABOUT THE MOVIE CONSTIPATION?
DAD…
I SAID, HAVE YOU HEARD ABOUT IT, CARL
SIGH….NO
IT NEVER CAME OUT, CARL
CARL, IT NEVER CAME OUT.
I HATE YOU DAD
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Deaf Gang Signs
Him: I try to talk and she just mumbles and throws up gang signs
Her: *signals* I’m deaf
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Pirate Hook
A pirate walked into a bar and the bartender said: “Hey, I haven’t seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible.”
“What do you mean?” said the pirate, “I feel fine.”
Bartender: “What about the wooden leg? You didn’t have that before.”
Pirate: “Well, we were in a battle and I got hit with a cannon ball, but I’m fine now.”
Bartender: “Well, ok, but what about that hook? What happened to your hand?”
Pirate: “We were in another battle. I boarded a ship and got into a sword fight. My hand was cut off. I got fitted with a hook. I’m fine, really…”
Bartender: “What about that eye patch?”
Pirate: “Oh, one day we were at sea and a flock of birds flew over. I looked up and one of them shit in my eye.”
Bartender: “You’re kidding, you lost an eye just from bird shit?”
Pirate: “It was my first day with the hook.”
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Happy Ending Rabbit
…AND SO THE LITTLE RABBIT QUICKLY DUCKED INTO A BUSH TO HIDE FROM THE SCARY FARMER AND HIS DOGS.
HEY DAD… WILL THIS STORY HAVE A HAPPY ENDING?
WELL… IF YOU INSIST.
*PTOOEY*
Cyanide and Happiness © Explosm.net
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Hallmark Movie
woman: i have a high paying job in new york city that i love and christmas isn’t that important to me
her black friend: you need a MAN
woman’s dad: come to the small town,, we are suffering without a baker for our town festivale
woman: ok dad
man: i harvest maple syrup for a living and make 2 dollars a year
woman: :/
man: will you harvest maple syrup with me…
woman: i’ve decided i hate my job and i’m going to resign myself to making christmas tree ornaments in fuckberg for the rest of my life
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Crossfit Croissant
Me: omg I’m so tired from all that crossfit this morning
Friend: it’s pronounced croissant… and I’m not sure how you managed to eat 12
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Microsoft Office Pun
Boss: How good are you at Power Point?
Me: I Excel at it
Boss: Was that a Microsoft Office pun?
Me: Word
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Expert Identifying Birds
Me: I’m an expert at identifying birds
Her: OK, what about those ones flying over that tree?
Me: Yup, they’re all birds
