A pirate walks into a bar with a roll of paper towels on his head. The bartender asks, “What’s with the roll of paper towels on your head?”
The pirate says, “There’s Bounty on me head.”
Format: dialogue
Dialogue comedy formats, jokes, memes, and punchlines organized for easier doom-scrolling from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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The New Rules
A typical macho man married a typical good-looking lady.
After the wedding, he laid down the following rules:
“I’ll be home when I want, if I want, and at what time I want — and I don’t expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you that I won’t be home for dinner. I’ll go hunting, fishing, boozing, and card-playing when I want with my old buddies, and don’t you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?”
His new bride said, “No, that’s fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex here at seven o’clock every night… whether you’re here or not.”
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Frank Feldman
A man steps out onto the street and catches a taxi just as it’s going by. He gets in, and the cabbie says, “Perfect timing. You’re just like Frank.”
“Who?” the passenger asks.
“Frank Feldman,” the cabbie says. “He was a guy who did everything right, all the time. Like me coming along just when you needed a cab. Things like that always happened to Frank Feldman.”
“Well, nobody’s perfect,” the passenger says.
“Not Frank Feldman,” the cabbie replies. “He was a terrific athlete. He could’ve won a Grand Slam in tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star. And you should’ve heard him play piano. He was amazing.”
“Sounds like he was something special,” the passenger says.
“There’s more,” the cabbie continues. “He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everyone’s birthday. He knew all about wine — what to order, which fork to use. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street goes dark. But Frank Feldman could do everything right.”
“Wow,” says the passenger, “what a guy.”
“And he always knew the fastest route through traffic,” the cabbie adds. “Not like me. I’m always getting stuck. But Frank never made a mistake. And he knew how to treat a woman. He’d never talk back, even if she was wrong. His clothes were always spotless, his shoes polished. The perfect man. Nobody could measure up to Frank Feldman.”
The passenger pauses, then asks, “So how did you meet him?”
The cabbie says, “I never did. He died… and I married his wife.”
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Exactly Where Is Larrys Bar
A man goes to a shrink and says, “Doctor, my wife is unfaithful to me. Every evening, she goes to Larry’s bar and picks up men. In fact, she sleeps with anybody who asks her! I’m going crazy. What do you think I should do?”
“Relax,” says the doctor, “take a deep breath and calm down. Now, tell me, exactly where is Larry’s bar?”
