Format: dialogue

Dialogue comedy formats, jokes, memes, and punchlines organized for easier doom-scrolling from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • I Used to Be Six Feet Tall

    A midget went into a whorehouse. None of the girls really wanted to serve him, so finally they drew lots and Mitzi was unlucky and went up to the room with him.

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    A minute later, there was a loud scream. The Madam and all of the girls charged up the staircase and into the room. Mitzi lay on the floor in a dead faint.

    Standing next to the bed was the midget, nude, with a three-foot cock hanging down and almost touching the floor. The girls were dumbfounded by the sight. Finally, one of them regained her composure enough to say, “Sir, would you mind if we felt it? We’ve never seen anything like that before.”

    The midget sighed. “Okay, honey, but only touching. No sucking. I used to be six feet tall.”

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  • Did I Come Here to Die?

    A Canadian tourist in Australia gets hit by a car. He wakes up in the hospital with a doctor standing over him.

    He asks the doctor, “Did I come here to die?”

    The doctor replies, “Nah mate, you came here yesterday.”

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  • The Pope’s Miracle Hearing

    The Pope is handing out miracles to kids in Liverpool. Billy walks on stage and asks him, “Can you help me with my hearing?”

    The Pope says, “Yes,” puts his hands on Billy’s ears, and prays. He removes his hands and asks, “How is your hearing now?”

    Billy says, “I don’t know, it’s not until next Wednesday.”

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  • Don’t Change the Subject

    A guy walks into a bank, pulls out a gun, points it at the teller, and screams, “Give me all your money or you’re geography!”

    Puzzled, the teller asks, “Don’t you mean history?”

    The robber yells, “Don’t change the subject!”

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  • Wife’s Accidental Car Meeting Goes Wrong

    Over dinner, a woman said to her husband, “I met this horrible and rude man downtown this morning, and right away I knew he was a troublemaker. He started to insult me; he used really bad language; he even threatened me!”

    “How did you meet this fellow?” He asked, very concerned.

    She said, “Well, we met by accident, I hit him with the car.”

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  • E Afraid of W

    E Afraid of W

    Why was E afraid of W?

    Why?

    Because White

  • Monday Sickness: A Suspicious Pattern

    The company hires a new man. He was supposed to start work on a Monday, but instead of showing up, he calls his new boss. “I’m sick,” he says. Boss excuses him.

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    The man shows up Tuesday morning and works throughout the week, greatly impressing everyone with his diligence and ability.

    The next Monday, he once again calls his boss. “I’m sick,” he says. Boss reluctantly excuses him, but notices that this is the second Monday in a row.

    Once again, the man shows up Tuesday morning and works throughout the week, even faster and better than the previous week.

    The following Monday, he calls his boss again. “I’m sick.” Boss excuses him, but decides to call the man in to talk on Tuesday.

    Tuesday comes and as soon as the man shows up, the boss calls him into his office. “What gives?” asks the boss. “I can see you’re a hard worker, but you’ve only been here three weeks and you’ve called in sick every Monday.”

    The man says, “Well, my sister is in a bad marriage and I go over to console her every Monday morning before work. One thing leads to another, and we end up having sex all day long.”

    “Your sister!” says the boss. “That’s disgusting.”

    The man says, “I told you I was sick.”

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  • Nobody Wants to Seem Replaceable at Work

    Judge: Is there any reason you could not serve as a juror in this case?

    Juror: I don’t want to be away from my job that long.

    Judge: Can’t they do without you at work?

    Juror: Yes, but I don’t want them to know it.

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  • Nothing Gets Done Between 7 and 10

    A man was being interviewed for a job. “Were you in the service?” asked the interviewer.

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    “Yes, I was a Marine,” responded the applicant.

    “Did you see any active duty?”

    “I was in Vietnam for two years and I have a partial disability.”

    “May I ask what happened?”

    “Well, I had a grenade go off between my legs and I lost both testicles.”

    “You’re hired. You can start Monday at 10 a.m.”

    “When does everyone else start? I don’t want any preferential treatment because of my disability.”

    “Everyone else starts at 7 a.m. but I might as well be honest with you. Nothing gets done between 7 and 10. We just sit around scratching our balls trying to decide what to do first.”

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  • You’re Not Sterile

    A secretary walked into her boss’s office and said, “I’m afraid I’ve got some bad news for you.”

    “Why do you always have to give me bad news?” he complained. “Tell me some good news for once.”

    “All right, here’s some good news,” said the secretary. “You’re not sterile.”

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