A man is walking on the sidewalk at night when suddenly he’s attacked by a mugger.
Mugger: “Give me all of your money!”
Man: “Do you know who I am?! I work for the IRS!”
Mugger: “Oh? Well in that case, give me all of MY money!”
Format: dialogue
Dialogue comedy formats, jokes, memes, and punchlines organized for easier doom-scrolling from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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Daddy Longlegs Stomps Out Gay Spiders
A little girl was playing in the garden when she spotted two spiders mating.
“Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?” she asked.
“They’re mating,” her father replied.
“What do you call the spider on top, Daddy?” she asked.
“That’s a daddy longlegs,” her father answered.
“So, the other one is a mommy longlegs?” the little girl asked.
“No,” her father replied. “Both of them are daddy longlegs.”
The little girl thought for a moment, then took her foot and stamped them flat.
“Well, we’re not having THAT sort of thing in OUR garden!”
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Tonto Kowalski, Nice to Meet You
A businessman boards a flight and is lucky enough to be seated next to an absolutely gorgeous woman. They exchange brief hellos and he notices she is reading a manual about sexual statistics.
He asks her about it and she replies, “This is a very interesting book about sexual statistics. It identifies that American Indians have the longest average penis and Polish men have the biggest average diameter. By the way, my name is Jill. What’s yours?”
He coolly replies, “Tonto Kowalski, nice to meet you.”
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Deli Salami: No Slicing Required
A fag walks into a corner deli, takes a number, and waits his turn. Soon, his turn comes up, and the deli boy asks, “Well, what will it be today, sir?”
To this, the fag replies, “I’ll have a half pound of roast beef, a pound of your swiss cheese, and I’ll take that nice long salami you’ve got hanging by the window.”
After slicing the swiss cheese and the beef, the deli boy then asks him, “Sir, would you like me to slice the salami as well?”
To this the fag replies, “Slice the salami?! What do you think my ass is, a piggy bank?”
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Love Blooms in Workplace Jealousy
“Darling,” murmured the girl to her boyfriend, “when did you first realize that you were in love with me?”
“Well, I suppose…” whispered the man tenderly, “it was when I started getting angry with all the other guys in the office who said you were a lousy lay.”
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Potential vs. Reality: A Million Dollar Lesson
A son asked his father: “Dad, what’s the difference between potential and reality?” (a question he was asked at school)
His father replied: “Go ask your mother if she would sleep with the milkman for a million bucks.”
The son did this and returned that his mother would sleep with the milkman for a million bucks. His father said: “Now go ask your sister if she would sleep with the milkman for a million dollars.”
The son did this and later replied: “Sis said that she too would sleep with the milkman for a million bucks.”
His father then said: “Go ask your brother if he would sleep with the milkman for a million bucks.”
The son, getting rather irritated, did this. He returned and said: “Ivor also said that he would sleep with the milkman for a million bucks. I am getting tired of asking people if they will sleep with the milkman. Please tell me, what’s the difference between potential and reality?”
His father looked at him and said: “This family has the potential to make $3,000,000, but the reality is that we have two sluts and a homo in the family.” That’s the difference!
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Dating the Anatomically Disproportionate Guy
“The guy I dated tonight turned out to be a sadist,” reported the girl.
“You mean literally–whips and that sort of thing?” asked her roommate.
“Worse than that! The creep screwed me with a four-inch penis and then French-kissed me goodbye with an eight-inch tongue!”
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IT Guys Such Dicks
Why are IT guys such dicks?
Last week I drove two hours to push the power button on a server that three separate people assured me was already on.
