A dentist tells his patient, “This might hurt a little bit. Are you ready?”
The patient says, “Yes, doc. I’m ready.”
And the dentist says, “I’m sleeping with your wife.”
Format: dialogue
Dialogue comedy formats, jokes, memes, and punchlines organized for easier doom-scrolling from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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Perfect Eyesight
Arthur is 75 years old. He’s played golf every day since his retirement 15 years ago. One day he arrives home looking downcast. “That’s it,” he tells his wife. “I’m giving up golf. My eyesight has become so bad that once I hit the ball, I couldn’t see where it went.”
His wife sympathizes and makes him a cup of tea. As they sit down, she says, “Why don’t you take my brother with you and give it one more try?”
“That’s no good,” sighs Arthur. “Your brother is 85. He can’t help.”
“He may be 85,” says the wife, “but his eyesight is perfect.”
So the next day, Arthur heads off to the golf course with his brother-in-law. He tees up, takes a mighty swing and squints down the fairway. He turns to the brother-in-law and says, “Did you see the ball?”
“Of course I did. Great shot!” answers the brother-in-law. “I have perfect eyesight.”
“Where did it go?” Arthur asks.
“I don’t remember.”
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Job Interview
Job Interviewer: Where do you see yourself in the next five years?
Me: I’d say my biggest weakness is listening.
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Skinhead? It’s Leukemia
YOU’RE A SKINHEAD YOU BITCH
NO DAD, IT’S LEUKEMIA
LEUK-WHAT? STOP SPEAKING GERMAN YOU FUCKING NAZI
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No Shit
Immediately after mass one Sunday morning, a man stops to shake the preacher’s hand. “That was a goddamned fine sermon you gave today,” the man tells the preacher. “Goddamned fine!”
“Thank you, sir,” the preacher answers, “but I’d rather you didn’t use that kind of foul, blasphemous language in the Lord’s house.”
“You know, I was so goddamned impressed with that fucking sermon that I put $5,000 in the goddamned offering plate!” says the man.
And the preacher says, “No shit!”
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The Golfing Widower
Jim and Bob are golfing together on a Sunday morning. They’re both on the green, which is near a county highway.
As Jim lines up his putt, a funeral procession goes by on the highway. Jim immediately stops, takes off his hat and bows his head.
Bob is impressed. “Wow, Jim. That’s really a profound sign of respect. I’m impressed.”
Jim answers, “Well, Bob. We were married for 41 years. It’s the least I could do.”
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First Day as a Cop
[First day as a cop]
Me: Suspect is dancing naked through downtown
Dispatch: Copy that
Me: I’ll try but i’m not much of a dancer
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Stacy Took My Virginity
[GUY]-“Stacy took my virginity last night!”
[FRIEND]-“Isn’t Stacy mentally retarded?”
[GUY]-“i wanted my first time to be special.”
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Just Found Out My Girlfriend Is Cheating
Just found out my girlfriend is cheating on me 😞
@shitheadsteve
Huh?
Jesus that sucks
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Tigers and Meth I’m In
Joe: Wanna marry me?
Me: Nah, im straight
Joe: I got tigers and meth
Me: You son of a bitch, I’m in!
