Dialogue comedy formats, jokes, memes, and punchlines organized for easier doom-scrolling from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
I was out playing golf and sliced a shot into a field of buttercups.
Just as I was about to hit, I heard a voice say, “Don’t hurt any buttercups.”
I asked, “Who are you?”
“I’m Mother Nature. If you can chip out of this field of buttercups without harming a single one, I’ll guarantee you have butter every day for the rest of your life.”
I said, “Screw you. Where were you last week when I sliced into a field of pussy willows?”
My boss said he couldn’t talk because he was traveling.
I told him he probably needs to shoot or pass, and refrain from dribbling again.
A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town’s most successful lawyer.
The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute.
“Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn’t you like to give back to the community in some way?”
The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, “First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?”
Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, “Um… no.”
“—or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?”
The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted.
“—or that my sister’s husband died in a traffic accident,” the lawyer’s voice rising in indignation, “leaving her penniless with three children?!”
The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, said simply, “I had no idea…”
The lawyer cut him off once again: “So if I don’t give any money to them, why should I give any to you?”
